Kiss & Tell

Europe Trip-- The beginning

2011-07-20T11:37:00.015-05:00

I didnt feel like scribbling away in my journal today about this trip so I thought I'd do a little typing. But I suppose I should start at the beginning. On June 8th my brother and I piled our belongings into the back of our friend's car and rode to the bus station. There we bid farewell to our friend and our Mom and said 'see ya soon,' (soon meaning 63 days)before boarding the bus that would take us to Chicago, to board a plane that would take us to Zurich, Switzerland. I calmed my nerves with two giant glasses of red wine and then boarded the plane for our 8 hour flight over the ocean. This was my 5th transatlantic flight and my brother's first. Of course now they have seats equipped with flat screens so between meals, a few movies and perhaps a little nap, you're there. Well, mine didnt work half the time and the guy behind me was so tall that every time he blinked my seat lurched forward.. but all in all it was not so bad.

Upon our arrival in Zurich, our Aunt Kathy picked us up and we made the 2 hour drive back to their house in Gundelfingen (just outside Freiburg) where we would call home for the next two months. Ahh the vacation high. You think jet-lag is a myth still at this point and have so much energy regardless of how long you have been traveling. But I knew better so I took Kathy's advice, took a 2 hour nap and then we went for a lovely hike with the dog, Goldie, and our cousin Nick. Great remedy for minimizing jet-lag.

Beer garden in Freiburg

View of the Munsterplatz from dinner.

The next day we went into town on the train (7 mins..trains are awesome) and just sort of got our wigs on straight. Saturday, we went to Alsace in France. Isn't that great you can just hop on over to France like hopping down to Chicago. Well not everyone can, but they live so near to the border that it's possible. We went to this place called the Eco Musee, think Old World Wisconsin, but French. At the Eco Musee we stopped to have a coffee and fresh croissant that they make in this little rustic bakery right on the premises. I could really eat fresh croissants for the rest of my life and be happy. Crunchy outside and warm flaky buttery inside. Yum! Then.. my favorite part of the day.. we took the Route Du Vin back and stopped off to sample some wine. Of course in this region we're still so close to Germany that it's a lot of German type wines and mostly white. Which are still good,but not necessarily what the many consider to be "French" wine.

The following Thursday we were leaving for Spain with the family, and that was to be our first trip, but Kathy and Martin urged us to take a daytrip somewhere to get our feet wet. Early the next week and very early in the morning we hopped a train.. using the first day on our rail pass and headed to Kandersteg in the Swiss Alps where we would hike up to this beautiful mountain lake, Oeschinensee. It didnt take long once we were on the train for the scenery to change from the rolling mounds of the Black Forest to the amazing view of the Alps. In some places they were green, some snow capped, waterfalls here and there, and all along if you looked down to the towns below you could see this crystal clear rushing river. Well, I am sure it was several rivers, but you get the idea. Stepping of the train we looked all around us and we're surrounded by beautiful mountains and off a little ways you could see the quaint little resort town of Kandersteg. As my brother said.."cue the Paramount logo." I've seen mountains before, even the Alps (in Chamonix) but these were amazing. Perhaps I was still on that vacation high. Before we started along the path that would take us up (ok part way on a cable car, but really its the only way in this area) we set out to find some lunch. We browsed a few outdoor menus but decided on one that looked a little more cozy. I asked if we could sit outside and the owner opened his arms, smiled, and said, "Please please sit anywhere you like, relax, enjoy!" He was like that the whole meal. I had a quiche and it was delicious and good fuel for our hike. We spent the afternoon hiking up towards the where the lake, then down to the lake and then wandering as far as we could around it before a cave and a waterfall cut off our path and we had to return. It was a weekday so it was quiet. Almost eerily so. You could hear the waterfalls and the streams they produced gurgling their way into the lake. It really amazing and the photos below really do not do it justice. It was such a lovely day. The train ride home however..well, that's another story. The trains in Europe are an entry all their own so I will leave you here with this lovely picturesque view of our first excursion. Pretty soon it was off to Spain for week!!

All the cows had bells on so when walking through
it sounded like windchimes!

OFF The Air

2011-05-02T10:39:00.000-05:00

Last night I was midway through the season finale of America's Next Greatest Restaurant when all of the sudden CRSSGDHAShshdsjdhjkHKJHSDKH (if you're wondering.. that's the sound the TV makes when you have no signal). At first I thought it was the TV itself because it's like 90 years old. Sorry, I just can't justify hundreds of dollars on a HDTV because then I'd feel obligated to watch more TV, which would then lead me to feeling like I need cable which would the cause me to watch.. you get the idea. Anyway.. it wasn't the TV, it was the converter box (the thing you need to get a signal when you have a 90 year old TV). It just stopped working. I unplugged it and replugged it and left it over night and nothing. Not even a twinkle of light.

So I think I'm going to use this time as a little experiment. I'm not going to replace my converter box right away and see how much more productive I can be. Yes of course things can still be watched online but that can be done any time. I have books to read, a test to study for, a language to learn via Rosetta Stone and two months of planing to be out of the country. Now I'm wondering what the hell I was thinking watching TV in the first place. A week (at least) of no broadcast television! This feels like the time I got locked out of facebook!

Countdown to Europe Summer 2011!

2011-03-08T10:21:00.007-06:00

Countdown To

The Tides Are Changing

2011-03-04T13:00:00.001-06:00

Wow.. ok. Things are starting to change around here and not just in terms of snow melting, birds chirping stuff, as in my life.

During my college years at UW-Milwaukee I had a lot of fun, pulled off decent grades, changed my major 1/2 way through, took 18 credits most semesters, paid my own way, and somehow managed to graduate in four years without killing anyone or myself. I was so relieved when it was all over. My fellow classmates were all terrified. How would they make ends meet if they didn't find a job?! I was elated to know that now all I had to do was work. After working basically full time and going to school full time, it could only get easier. And it did. But then it got boring. Was this what I had looked forward to? Being behind a desk for the next 40 odd years of my life.. I started to feel trapped, but what else was I going to do? Go back and finish my psych degree and get my PhD, be in school and in debt forever? Nope. Find another job in my field that wasn't as boring to me? I thought about it, but all those other jobs are my clients and I see them all the time and they don't look any happier. We all have this 'live to work' mentality. I wanted to work to live (i think i caught that bug on my recent Europe trip). I at least wanted to do something that felt less like work. I figured if I'm going to work for beans, I may as well seek out something that makes me happy enough not to care.

But how.. when...do I have the balls to take a risk and start over? I wasn't really so sure. All this 'soul - searching' started when my Dad was sick and dying. I was so pissed off being at work, doing a job I hated that made no difference to anyone while I could have been spending precious time with my Dad. That's when I made a deal with myself. Right before he passed away in late August of 2009, I gave myself two years. I told myself that I had two years to really figure out what I wanted to do and start the steps to make that change.

Now, after 4 years of nearly drowning in undergrad in Journalism and then 5 years of working a job that I enjoyed and now loathe I am starting all over. As of Fall 2011 semester (just as my 2 year deadline is up) I will be back in full student mode. This time as a Baking & Pastry Arts student. I found out yesterday that my number was up and I was no longer wait-listed. I went through several emotions in 5 seconds... starting with happy moving on to sad, then terrified and wrapping up somewhere between excited and hopeful.

I'll spare you the details as to how I landed in Baking & Pastry arts, but that's where I've landed. Soon I will have to break the news to the powers that be here at my family-sized office. I'll be happy to leave the job, but sad to leave the people.

But before I begin my journey into chocolates, pastries, and more flour than you can possibly imagine.. I am taking a break. I have been going to school, working or some combination of the two since I was 14. This summer I will be doing neither. June 8th my brother and I are packing up and heading to Europe and won't return until August 11th. Just enough time to unpack, unwind, find part time jobs and start school.

I think my life is about to get more interesting. I hope that I'm able to articulate that here. I hope that someone out there not happy with their current situation stumbles here and maybe thinks they can start over too. Nothing worth doing is ever easy and I just hope that my Dad would be proud of me taking a chance to do what makes me happy.

Rubber Ducky

2010-12-03T22:27:00.000-06:00

There are few things greater than a hot sudsy bubble bath at the end of a long cold winter day. Though sometimes the prep takes longer than the bath itself lasts. First, I should tell you I have a thing about bath tubs and their cleanliness. Living in an apartment you have to wonder how many people have used this thing and no matter how many times I clean it is it really clean? So I always find myself scrubbing the tub before I take a bath. Which I guess makes my bath time feel mildly productive. Anyway...

The point of this entry is two-fold.One part is to tell you (whoever you are) a funny story and secondly, to voice my frustration with a question that always pops in my head will soaking in the tub.

I have a fairly large and deep bath tub so it takes some time to fill up. About 20 minutes or so. Geez, typing that makes me feel very wasteful. All that water. Sorry, but if it helps I recycle and I dont have a car so do I break even? But I digress, so I'm in another part of my apartment tidying up and what not while the bath is filling up with hot sudsy vanilla scented water. I walk down the hall to check on the status of the water and realize that I've stepped into a puddle. Then I glance to right and notice that the wall is sprayed with water. Don't ask me why because its completely illogical, but my first thought was that the tub over-flowed. Not the case. I turn around to see my cat, Oliie, just soaked!! From his paws to his haunches he is completely drenched and his coat is damp to say the least. This has happened once before. Last time I witnessed him slide into the full tub. I thought he would have learned his lesson, but I guess not. Just something about cats and their love hate relationship with water. So there he is.. cowering, looking up at me with they big eyes wondering what the hell he is supposed to with himself. Then every few minutes he stands up and shakes out each leg one at a time thinking it will help. It doesn't. So I wrap him in a warm towel thinking he might get the idea. He doesn't. Oh well. Now the tub is full and the perfect temperature. The cat can deal with himself.

I grab my laptop and turn on some relaxing tunes, light a few candles (who wants overhead light while trying to relax), pour myself a cool glass of Chardonnay, and slip into warm bubble heaven. To me, lots of bubbles are important because they provide coverage. Not that anyone is around to see, but it just seems odd to be all exposed. Anyway... so there I am soaking, relaxing to tunes, sipping my vino. Bliss. Why ever did we fight our Mothers when we were little to take a bath? Its so great. Right up there with naps. Ok so here is my whole point for writing this anyway.. after a time the water temp starts to cool but you still have wine left so you add hot water, but then the water is hot and you are running out of wine. So when does the cycle end?What keeps you in the tub.. hot water or a full wine glass?

Me? I went through a round or so of re-heating the water and then as it started to cool again I slammed the wine and got out.

.....and the cat was still wet.

22 Days til Christmas

2010-11-03T10:50:00.001-05:00

Shame on me I know. Well I can't help it. They've been shoving it down my throat around here since the middle of October. Just a few steps from my office there's a park that puts up lots of adorable decor and christmas trees decorated by kids and one giant one made of lights. Well its been up for weeks and I CANT STAND IT. Every year it just shows up earlier and earlier. Next thing you know it will be up after Labor Day and then 4th of July. Might as well just leave the damn thing up all year! I love Christmas, but this makes me dread it. Please, just let me enjoy my Thanksgiving feast and subsequent food coma before you start bombarding me with tinsel and jingle bells!

However, I suppose it is really not too early to be thinking about Christmas lists. Unfortunately, the list of people I shop for has shrunk considerably the last year and a 1/2 (fortunate for my wallet I suppose). So, taking a wise bit of advice from my friend Gabby, and fellow blogger, I suggested to my family that we pick charities and donate in each others' names this year. A mutual friend just took a trip with her husband to Haiti, and while I may donate to that cause, I thought it best to let everyone pick their own. But with so many people out there in need.. how do you choose? Who's most deserving? What charity is best? Well after lots of Google searches trying to weed out the legitimate sites from the not so much ones, I came across Charity Navigator. This site has tips on how to pick, how to contact local charities in your area, and shows stats on how efficient the charity is. Because no one wants to donate their money to a charity that spends more in overhead than they do on the cause in which you are trying to support.

Still with so many needy people and worthy causes, it is so hard to pick. After looking through and through this site, I thought perhaps it would be best to donate locally. I haven't fully made up my mind yet, but I'm leaning towards the Wisconsin Humane Society. Nothing pulls at my heart strings more than sad and unloved furry animals. And obviously, Haiti and Chile and all those other places in the World. I guess just take pause this year when making that list of yours and think to yourself, do I really need the newest ipod or whatever? Sure there are things we all want, but there are so many out there that don't have the things they need(and that we all take for granted). And if you really can't imagine not unwrapping things on the 25th of December, then how about donating your time to a local soup kitchen or homeless shelter Or donating old coats and mittens.

Ok, there's my pitch! And thanks again to Gabby for planting the idea in my head in the first place.

Tomato Romp 2010

2010-09-22T11:32:00.002-05:00

The only sounds to be heard were fits of laughter, cheers from the bystanders... and the squishy sound of tomatoes being thrown into the faces, bodies, arms, legs of your peers. It was the EastSides 4th Annual Tomato Romp.

The fun began at 1130 a.m. For my friend, Alyssa and myself. Once our places in the Tomato fight at 4pm were secured we hopped in a 2 block long line on North Ave. to get our slips for the Bloody Mary tasting. Our mission: Sample bloody marys (with chasers) from 11 bars in a 3 block radius by 3pm. Sounds easy right? Especially since they were little bloodies and chasers. I thought to myself, 'there is no WAY I will get drunk from these.' I was wrong. We made the mistake of taking our good sweet time at the 1st three bars. Then I checked my phone and it said 1:30. I turned to Alyssa and told her we had 1.5 hours to hit 8 more bars and turn in our sheets. (not that I cared about the contest..i just wanted the bloody marys). So then we were on a mission. We slammed both bloody and chaser at the next 6 bars, and then saved the best 2 for last (Von Trier & Hooligans).

I hour to go til the fight begins and North Ave was swarming with bloody mary-filled people at 3 in the afternoon. So what to do? Have a beer of course! A giant one. Now we were sufficiently buzzed, changed into our tomato clothes (big thanks to my wonderful Mom for holding our stuff) and ready to get in the cage.

3.....2.....1....... TOMATO FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alyssa: red on left. Me: In dark blue on right (arms up)

see the pink umbrella?? that's my Mom.

The Line Is That Way Boys

2010-08-13T10:18:00.000-05:00

Ok ok ok.. I have a confession. I am now among the online dating community. Yes, that is correct, I, Kaylie, joined match.com. I swore up down sideways and back that I would never in a million over my dead body try dating online. I'm a romantic. I love the thought of locking eyes with someone across the room and from there a fabulous love affair ensues. Well... those moments are usually a result of too much vodka and all that ensues is a whole lotta regret.

So it all started with a slow day at work and a personality test from chemistry.com. I love these things because its funny to see what the results are. Anyway, chemistry is a new offshoot of match (stay away from chemistry.. its dumb) and so my curiosity took me further. "I'll just look," I told myself. Don't have to subscribe to look. Well, then the next morning I had TEN emails and in order to read those e-mails I had to subscribe (pay $$). And so then it was official. I was online dating. And you know.. its not so bad. The boys have been lining up and I'm just your average girl. Or maybe because I'm not 300 lbs and I have all my teeth or something. Some of the emails I get are really crazy though....

"Hi. I see you like to cook. I have to say you look just like my exgirlfriend... she liked to cook to, but she also had no soul. Want to get to know eachother...."

"I'm currently separated, I have 5 kids, but they don't live it a home....."

There have been others, but those two are my favorite. On the other side of things, there are some really great, seemingly normal, good looking gentlemen. I've been on 5 dates so far. 2 of which will not be repeated, one that seemed like he'd make a really awesome friend, and the other two have some potential. There are others, but seriously this whole answering emails, scheduling dates, etc, is time consuming. Not to mention going on dates with strangers is nerve-racking. Everytime I do I want to call and cancel because its stresses me out. By the way, a martini is a good cure for that. Just one though. It's poor form to get wasted on the first date.

Well.. there now I feel better having got that off my shoulders. I'm sure there will be more to tell soon.

Happy Friday the 13th!!!!

In a Cake Jam? Bake a Jam Cake!

2010-07-22T10:11:00.000-05:00

Last night I made a Lemon Semolina Jam Cake (well minus the semolina flour because I could NOT find it). I stumbled upon this recipe through reading blogs that other blogs I read follow. You follow me? Good. And I came upon the Pastry Studio . Everything this woman has on here looks just delicious! It is summer and I though something light a refreshing would be good and this cake appeared to fit the bill.

For the jam, I made a raspberry and fig jam. Super duper easy. First: make a simple syrup and then add the fruit. Recipe below.

Simple Syrup:
- 1 cup granulated sugar
- 1/2 cup water

Bring the water and syrup to a boil in a saucepan. Then reduce to a simmer for about 10 minutes - or until all the sugar is dissolved. Let cool.

Raspberry Fig Jam
- 1/2 cup simple syrup
- 1 pint fresh raspberries
- handful (6 or so) dried black mission figs halved
- 2 T Brandy (optional)

Bring all ingredients to a simmer in a saucepan. Allow to cool slightly and transfer to a food processor & blend!

I let my jam set in the fridge first before I put it on the cake. I suppose it depends on the thickness of your jam. I really know nothing of making jam.. this was just an adaptation of a similar recipe I have.

As usual when I bake a cake, I don't want it lying around the house so I bring it to work. I judge the worth of a recipe by how much is left by lunchtime. It is currently 10:09 and there is 1/2 left so I guess it is pretty tasty.

Thanks Pastry Studio!

Flashback:: 2004

2010-06-04T11:20:00.000-05:00

Several years ago, life was simple. Free of iphones, ipads, widely available wifi, Myspace, and Facebook. Let us take a moment to remember what that time was like. What did we do with all of that free time?? Were we bored out of our minds? No, not really. We did this thing called socializing but we did it face to face in social settings not social networks. And stalking was still done the old fashioned way and still considered creepy. Sure we had blogs, email, cell phones, texting, etc, but there was not a link to our Facebook page in our back pocket at all times. It was not part of our daily life.

Well, this past week it has not been a part of my daily life. I did the unthinkable! I forgot my password, and when I tried to reset it the confirmation code never made it to my email. It has been 7 days since my last Facebook login. At first I was dumbfounded! How will I know what everyone did over the weekend? How will I know what's going on???? AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! (cue twilight zone music).

Now I remember what it was to have a life. To not know what everyone is doing day in and day out, and actually having a reason to call people to see what's new. I mean how often do you talk to a friend and you're telling them a story, and they go ' oh yeah, I saw that on your Facebook." Don't get me wrong, I am trying to gain access to my account again, but in the meantime I am kind of enjoying the time away. Its like that feeling when you go camping and you have to turn off your cellphone because there isn't a cell tour for miles. After a day or two you don't really care if anyone has tried to call you. Whatever it is... it can wait.

Password loss or not.. I challenge you to take a week vacation from Facebook. Reconnect with you friends and your life in real life.

note to self

2010-04-13T09:30:00.000-05:00

this isnt a real post. more like a reminder to myself to make a recipe I just read about. only there was no recipe so I will have to make some assumptions on how to assemble. the dish is a Scallop BLT, with pancetta, tomato coulis and greens on a baguette. yum! if I make it and it turns out i'll post the recipe i used. stay tuned.. whoever you are :)

Patty Cake Patty Cake

2010-03-23T10:59:00.003-05:00

I love cake! I mean really, who doesn't? What is even better is that I have an office full of men that like cake too. Why is this good you ask? Well, because if I baked the cake and ate it all myself I'd be as big as a house. Baking for the people at work gives me a good chance to try out recipes and most of the time work foots the bill for ingredients. Bonus!

Last week was a work friends birthday on that silly Irish holiday. I promised her nothing mint, nothing green and nothing irish like. So.. I baked her a chocolate raspberry mousse devils food layer cake. YUM!

Between the layers was a layer of raspberry jam(seedless) covered by a layer of mousse with fresh raspberries pressed into it. Well, the recipe called it mousse, but from what I know about cream and chocolate it was more of a ganache. Then you cover the whole cake in the fluffy mousssey/ganache. Top it off with fresh raspberries and a dusting of cocoa powder. Voila! Heaven. My 2nd layer cake ever - a success. At least in my mind.

Dear No One

2010-01-26T11:19:00.002-06:00

It has been 5 months since my Dad passed away. I miss him a lot. Every single day. Sometimes it hits me so hard that it takes my breath away. Sunday I was walking home from the grocery store when images of that day started flooding my head and it was like he died all over again. It just feels like another life another person was laying in that bed. Not my Dad. It couldn't be.

More and more I think back to that day and wish I could go back, freeze time and stay there forever. It was almost easier when the pain was right at the surface and the reality was right in front of me. I could deal with it. Believe it. If I could just go back and hang on. But I know that is silly and the reality is that it happened, it is over, and life must go on. My life must go on, because his did not and he's part of me so I do it for both of us.

And rather than pay someone $200 odd bucks an hour to say that outloud.. I blog.

I Spell My Name L-A-M-E

2009-12-04T14:24:00.003-06:00

As the work winds down to a mere 2.5 hours I am starting to think about the weekend ahead and I realized - eh not much happening lady. I love when I have nothing of consequence going on, but sometimes it can be bad because then the little stuff I have to do doesnt get done. Why you ask? Well, if I think I have an infinite amount of weekend time and no schedule to speak off I put it all off and off until its Sunday afternoon and I dont want to fill what is left with chores. So since it is one of those weekends of nothing - I am going to make a to do list. And share it with you (whoever you are). Perhaps if I feel I'm being held accountable I will get it done.

1. Friday - Wash a load of Darks... otherwise I will be starting a fashion known as "Naked Mondays". I live in Wisconsin so that's just not acceptable. Frost bite.. no thanks.
2. Tidy Up. The kitten has been making a mess of Christmas and I need to fix it. Maybe he is just trying to tell me he doesn't like how I put the ornaments on the tree and this is just his way of telling me. Everyone's a critic.
3. Saturday - Hop in the RAV with the BFF and head to GoodWill and JO-Ann Fabrics in search of Ugly Christmas Sweaters for an Ugly Christmas Sweater party.
4. Drink Vino and watch Cheesy Christmas movies on TV & Perhaps make this red grape and pecorino pizza I saw a recipe for today.
5. Sunday - Make Truffles - I ordered this little bitty dough scoop that will be perfect for this and it arrived today. Using a spoon and trying to roll chocolate is hard. It melts in your hands folks. First up... PB Truffles or perhaps Mint? Can't decide.
6. Finish Reading, "Among the Thugs" so I can return it to the library :)

When did my life get to be so boring. I think perhaps it is time to change the name of my blog to "Knit & Snore."

Eesh.

Should I Call the Fire Department??

2009-11-30T15:07:00.002-06:00

The Kitty is in the TREE!!!

F is for Fall. F is for Figs. Coincidence?

2009-10-23T09:27:00.004-05:00

I like to think of myself as a bit of a foodie, if you will. I don't pretend to know what I am doing or be able to tell you what's in that sauce, but I like to learn and try new things. And who better to test these things on than my friends??

A very good friend of mine was having a wine & movie girl night so I told her I'd make something yummy. At least I'd hoped it be yummy. Most of the cookbooks I have are not big on appetizers so I wandered over to the Food Network to find something worthy. With so many choices I clicked on In Season Now and thought figs sounded like my best bet. I ended up making Pecorino Romano with Apples and Fig Jam. I even made my own fig jam (which was REALLY easy).

The only difference in mine and the photo below was the color of the jam. Mine was bit more purpley. I used dried black mission figs from Whole Foods. I scored the store for at least 25 minutes before I finally asked someone where they were. I'd found fresh figs and all other sorts of fig things, but no dried figs. Apparently, as the help desk person was so kind to inform me, I'd been staring right at them! All the bulk fruits and nuts and there they were.. alphabetically no doubt. Oh well. Then of course because I was then kinda nervous I dropped one on the floor and before I had a chance to grab it someone walked by and stepped on it. I suppose I could have scraped that up and used it as fig jam.. no? Ok.

Now that I'd gathered all my ingredients I went home to make all the pieces to then assemble later at my friend's house. I was really nervous thinking people would turn up their noses at figs. I mean its not something I know of many people eating everyday, but its not as if they are exotic or anything. Though I do have a very funny side story about a fig tree in Orvieto, Italy, but that is for another day. Anyway.. I toasted the baguettes and put it all together on pretty platter, walked back in to the kitchen to make more, walked back out and half had ben devoured. Success!!! Even more so when I said that I'd made the fig jam myself, but then of course I told them it was absolutely simple.(side note on the hazlenuts: if you cant find roasted... throw some on a pan in the oven and watch them closely until they get a golden brown and then crush them up - the flavor makes a big difference - like 350 degrees for 5minutes maybe).

My favorite part was the cheese. I love cheese. It is very important for these treats that you are sure to get the Pecorino Romano. It has such a great flavor. This particular cheese is quite sharp. So sharp that is actually a bit spicy. Anyway, that was my Fig story. Leave it to Giada De Laurentiis I just love her and her recipes always rock. Another one of hers are the pizzettes with carmelized onions and goat cheese!!!! I love food!

Country Road.. Take Me Home...

2009-09-21T12:30:00.010-05:00

I guess it is finally time to write about it. After all, it has been a month since it happened.

My Dad, Jack J Magestro, Born 9-24-53, passed away on 8-21-09 at 10:45pm after a long long battle with liver disease. I was there for the very end. It was the oddest experience I have ever had. One would think I'd say the saddest, but it was just too surreal to be sad.

The nurses tried for days and days to stop the bleeding in his body, but with out being able to pinpoint its location and all the procedures too risky, they said there was nothing more we can do but make him comfortable. A month earlier from then I thought he was on the up and that a liver transplant might just be possible. He fought to the very end just like he promised he would. We moved him down to palliative care and were told it could be hours it could be days. I prayed for hours. I didn't want him to suffer anymore.

My Dad really like 70s music and in his car was a tape (yes a tape) of John Denver. So my Brother ran out to get a CD player and some John Denver to pass the time. Dad wasn't conscious (hadnt been for several days) but somewhere deep down I knew he could hear it. Just like I knew that we were all there. As we sat there laughing, crying and reminiscing I noticed his breathing change. It began to slow and become shallow. This, we were told, was part of the "process." The process of dying of course. So I scooted myself to sit next to him on the bed, held his hand and stroked his lustrous dark chestnut hair (55 not a bit of gray). Everyone around me was crying, but I just whispered in his ear that it was ok to go. He promised me he would fight and he did, as long as he could, but now it was time to let go. To be at peace. Finally. Then, his breathing stopped, his heart beat followed and I just sorta sat there, not really able to comprehend the weight of what had just happened. Even as the Dr came in, declared him and eventually he turned cold, it felt so strange. My Dad was gone. He died right before my eyes.

The weirdest thing of all was the slight feeling of envy I had for him. As he was dying I found myself feeling slightly jealous because he was about to find out what happens next. He would know now and none of us do. As far as my 'faith' goes, I don't really know what I believe. But if he went somewhere or nowhere the mystery has ended for him. With this, I also have found myself no longer afraid of death (I used to be TERRIFIED!!!) because I figure if my Dad can do it, so can I. I know that sounds so weird but its true. Not that I want to die, I certainly have no plans to, but I feel a new freedom. I will live until I die and there's no sense in dwelling on it.

Then we went to the bar and had some Scotch.

The next day was filled with Funeral arrangements, TONS of phone calls and the week that followed was not much different. Wednesday was the service. Over 100 people came (my Dad not one of them as he was off to be cremated and didnt want a service) and it warmed my heart to see a line outside. He was such a private man,but yet he touched the lives of many. Thursday, I did not get out of bed until 6pm, and I ignored all my calls. Me and the kitty just hid under the covers.

Now, a month has passed and things still feel weird. I still don't feel that he is gone and I still haven't really cried. His 56th birthday is this Thursday, perhaps it will hit me then. Or maybe the last year was such a struggle and the fear of him dying was worse than the real thing, that I've already done my grieving. Time will tell.

I love you Dad. I'll always be your little girl.

hold on for one more day

2009-08-11T11:36:00.004-05:00

On days that I remember I have an email account other than my work one, I go to it and find that I have missed several 'quotes of the day' from Runners World. Well today was very befitting for me right now, but a good thought for anyone.

When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.

Theodore Roosevelt

Meet Ollie

2009-08-10T16:04:00.003-05:00

Let me begin by saying what a dog person I am. I have wanted a dog of my own since, well forever, but realistically since I graduated college. Unfortunately, most apartments in the city of Milwaukee have a problem with residents of the canine persuasion. As many of you know (I say that as if people actually read my blog) my life has a hit a bit of rough patch lately. With my Dad being sick, and quite likely near the end of the road, my stepmother making his last days a living hell, and the guy I thought was going to be 'the guy', turning in to a grade A asshole.. I needed something to love. So, I decided it was time to get a cat. I think.

Friday, Aug 7th, which I have now deemed as official asshole day, I decided to take myself to the humane society and have a look at the kittys. While a tiny little furball would be great, my intention was to adopt a cat that was over a year because they are free. Well, of course, I fell in love with a 5 month old blue & white tabby. His name was Humphry, but I decided to name him Ollie.

I went in to his little room, scooped him up and then we played a little. After I put him back I walked away to get some perspective. Did I really want this little guy or was it an impulse. Well, I walked back to his cage and some one was looking in there and he was just happily playing. As soon as I crouched down and had his attention, he came running up to the glass, put his paws up and meowed. And that was that. I was his person. He was coming home with me.

He's a very playful, affectionate and well-behaved kitten. Doesn't scratch, loves toys, and most importantly.. had no trouble getting acquainted with his litter box. He was exactly what I needed and now we're pals for life. Isn't he adorable?!?!?!

Perspective

2009-06-23T13:54:00.005-05:00

I think in last few weeks, month maybe, I've started to learn a lot more about myself, what I want to do, whats really important in life, and when to say enough is enough.

A while back I wrote an entry about my Dad, and that he was dying. Well I guess thats partially true. I mean we are all dying aren't we. (my thats glass half empty isnt it?). Originally the Doc thought 6 months at best due to his condition at the time, but he was really quite healthy and managed to stay out of the hospital for quite some time. A few months ago, around my birthday, he started another downhill journey. Thanks to my fucking insane stepmother, he's now in a nursing home. 55 years old and in a nursing home. She claims she cant take care of him so his Doc "prescribed" a nursing home. He's been there for a week and I've been there almost every day to see him. The first day I was there I was a MESS. He told me he felt so alone, betrayed and abandoned and cried. It was almost too much to take. I brought my Mom with me that day (his ex-wife) which he actually seemed to like. I think it made him feel comforted that the person in his life the should care the least, actually really cares a lot.

The point of all of this is that it made me realize that it really is never too late to make amends, or tell people how you feel. Life is too damn short to keep it all bottled up. You never know when you're going to get your last chance. I hope that my Dad continues to get better and they get him the new liver that he needs, but if he doesnt at least I'll know I made the most of what time he has left.

There are other people in my life, ok one in particular, that I wish would realize how short life is and that needing people or letting them see your weaknesses is ok. But you can't change people. People can change, but they have to do it on their own. I just have to learn to find peace in the fact that I've done and said everything that I can to let them know I care. If you love something let it go right.....

I've mentioned a lot lately that I don't really like what I'm doing anymore, that it feels meaningless. Well, after spending a few days in a nursing home surrounded by people that need people it made me realize what direction to maybe head in. No, I dont want to be a nurse or anything, but I want to help people in some way. I just have to figure out how. Not everyone is as lucky as my Dad to have people come see him everyday. So as I'm walking around doing things for my Dad, people are always asking me to grab this or that, call a nurse or something, and to see the insanely grateful look on someone's face when all you did was change the channel for them is really something.

I never thought I could handle all of this, but I seem to be, not sure how, but I am. My Mom keeps telling what a wonderful woman I've turned into. I guess I just think, why wouldnt I go see my Dad every day that I can. It just feels like a no brainer. If that makes me wonderful, well then I guess I am. I just see it as being a good daughter for my Dad.

the Valet

2009-06-08T16:10:00.004-05:00

I am currently sitting at my desk at work. Behind me are two VERY large windows and beyond those windows is an ever increasing amount of fog and now we're hearing sirens. Super. Not to worry though, the tornados are South of us. Storms dont really scare me, but then again, I'm not thrilled about going outside in them to get home.

But thats not why I wrote this blog today. I wanted to review the movie I watched this weekend.

I don't if foreign films are just inherently better or if its the allure of the French speaking people or what. All I can say is that I thoroughly enjoyed this movie, but I think that if it had been in English it would have been a complete waste of 85 minutes of my life. I guess you can decide for yourself. Its a tale of a valet at a fancy French restaurant that ends up as a part of a scandal simply because he was at the wrong place at the wrong time. Suddenly he finds himself getting paid to "date" a supermodel which drives his valet driving buddy mad. Although the best part of the film is the family Dr that usually ends up getting treated on his house calls instead of treating his patients. Its a silly side story, but clever.

The other thing with Foreign films is that you find yourself not even really reading the subtitles or at least forget you are reading them. Kind of like when you read a book and you're so deeply in to it that there are no longer words on the page.

Anyway, if you're perusing the new releases at the video store and realize that everything is crap. Head over to the foreign film section and grab something that looks interesting. Another good one is, "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly." Much darker but the cinematography is amazing and somewhat dizzying. Its an interesting story of the editor of French Vogues' battle with "locked-in syndrome."

Well, I'm off to brave the storm for a whole 2 blocks home. Seems like a good night to pop in a movie and have a glass of vino. I think I might do just that!

Five and Twenty

2009-05-19T12:28:00.002-05:00

Last week I turned 25 years old... or should I say 25 years young? I can remember a time when I was much much younger, lets say 7 or 8, that I couldn't even fathom what it would be like to turn 16, go to high school & college! And now, here I am, a quarter of a century old and I have no idea where any of it went. Time is a funny funny thing. In the last decade I've gone from Freshman in Highschool, Freshmen in College, Legal Drinking age, college Graduate, SEVERAL apartments. What will the next decade bring (besides my 30s?). So now what?

Getting older doesn't really scare me anymore.. well not the aging part anyway. What scares me is that I'm going to be too afraid to do what I really want in life. Not that I hate my profession, but it just doesnt satisfy me. I feel like I'm meant to do more and I'm afraid I'll settle. There just has to be more to my life then getting up, going to work, working out, wash rinse repeat. That cant be it for me. Anything worth doing in life is never easy.. or so they say. I've been thinking about that a lot lately and have some thoughts.. but thats enough to fill a whole other entry.

Presently, I am in the process of moving in to my very first one bedroom apartment. My first time with out a roommate. No one to answer to (or pick up after) but myself. I promised myself a long long time ago that I would live alone at least once before I moved in with a boyfriend/fiance whatever. My boyfriend thought I was kinda being silly mostly for practical reasons, such as why the hell would I want to pay rent when I could live with him virtually rent free?? Tempting, yes, but it is just something I had to do.

Well, mute point now because the jerkface dumped me 2 days after my birthday!!! Just a few days before the 1/2 marathon we'd been training for ($65 down the drain for this girl) and just over a week before he was set to be my muscle to help me move to my new place. So I had to rent a Uhaul and try and find some strong guys besides my brother to help me move the heavy stuff. Lucky for me I have really awesome friends that always step up when it counts.

People keep telling me that he couldnt have meant that much to me because I'm not wreck like I was with Greg. Well thats a lame comparison. Besides, I've learned that moping around, crying, and drinking excessively do absolutely nothing to help. Yes, I miss Jeremy terribly and I still am so beyond confused, but what can I do? Nothing. I hope he pulls his head out of his ass and realizes how stupid he's being, but maybe he never will or maybe he really just had a change of heart. Either way it is out of my hands.

I've been so busy and stressed that I havent even had a chance to really grieve the death of my relationship. The relationship that I thought was THE relationship. One day he was talking about letting me pick out decor for his remodeled basement since Id be living there too, eventually, and telling me that he loves me and then BAM!!! This doesn't feel right anymore? I believe the words that came out of my mouth were literally, "what the hell kind of crack did you smoke when you woke up this morning?" I could not believe what was happening. I'm sure somewhere between hanging my new curtains and organizing my kitchen it will hit me and I'll curl up in the corner, with a glass of wine, and cry. Until that happens... I will just have to keep pushing on.

Look forward to pictures of my new place soon! Oh and pray (dont care who you pray to) that my couch fits up the stairs and in the door.

Ciao!

..::ONCE::..

2009-04-13T13:14:00.004-05:00

Easter came and went. My brother made a yummy vegetable risotto, I made roasted leeks with bacon cooked over the top to hold in all the fab flavors, and my mom made strawberry shortcake and some beef. She insisted we need a protein. Anyway. In an effort to please my Mom, I also went to church Sunday morning. My boyfriend asked me if I started on fire or if my eyes were burning. HA. Very Funny. But no. Its not that I have a problem with religion - to each their own. I just hate sitting there for an hour while we all sing the same boring songs (out of tune to boot) and feeling uncomfortable.
But I digrees...
Last night after they left my apartment, and I had all the dishes done, I poured myself one last glass of vino and watched the movie, "Once". Its a story about an Irish street performer and a Czech pianist. They decide to get together and record an album before he goes off to London to try and get famous. The music is absolutely gorgeous. My favorite is, "If You Want Me." I highly recommend the movie and the soundtrack. If you go on to itunes its either, Once (music from the motion picture) or there is an album that Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova put out called "The Swell Season."

I Think We're Alone Now....

2009-04-06T10:06:00.003-05:00

....There Doesn't Seem to be Anyone Around!

Starting June 1st, I will be the sole occupant of a 1 Bedroom apartment! My very first, very own place! While I absolutely love my apartment now, 7th floor, lake view, lots of sun, balcony (ok now im sad), it's time that I have a place of my own. I've been on the receiving end of "roommate breakup" a few times, but it was a lot harder than I thought. How do I tell someone that I am moving out with out hurting their feelings, or will they even care? Well, turns out she kinda saw it coming and we opened a bottle of Beujolais and went on with our evening.

My roommate is a night owl and while I like to go out and have a good time, I find myself craving sleep more. I could be unrealistic and whine that it is all her fault, that she's inconsiderate, but in truth, we are just two different. I can't expect her to go to bed and not watch TV til 2am because its the only time she has, but she can't expect me to continue to live in a place where I can't get a decent nights' sleep.

Another, slightly further from the point, reason is the possibility of living with a guy in the near future. I have always said that no matter what if I am ever going to move in with a boyfriend, fiance, whatever, that I MUST live alone first. My Dad and I were discussing this over the phone the other day and he was very excited about my new place and agreed that living completely on your own is necessary for some people and is kinda of a self discovery sort of venture.

Back to the new place - while it is not nearly as light and beautiful as the place I live now I am quite excited about one thing, ok two things... a kitchen that will allow me to cook with out running out of places to put things. A medium size kitchen table will fit too! AND, what this place lacks in sq. footage and sun light it makes up for in closet space. This place has 4 or 5 closets (at least) and two of them are walk in. I'm starting to think I may need to go buy more clothes. Unfortunately, now that I am on my own I have to watch the budget. :(

As soon as I get the keys I will take some before photos and some after ones once I've decorated it. Pray to the moving GODS that my wonderful green couch fits in the door. Id be really sad if it didn't. I've already told my boyfriend that if it does not that he must keep it in his basement for me until I have a place big enough or I move in. Which brings me slightly off topic... I've never had a guy so willing to commit. Its almost unreal. He really wants me to move in to his house with him, but I respectfully declined and explained that as tempting as that would be, this is something that I need to do for me. I'd regret it if I never lived on my own. Besides, its only a year and we still have a lot of relationship to build before we share a roof.

Til next time!

Out like a Lamb my Ass!

2009-03-23T22:00:00.002-05:00

I guess its hardly half way through March, but honestly Spring, where are you??? I am so sick of this weather. Its like the season that couldn't. Well, despite the weather, spring is supposed to be a time for renewal and fresh starts (or is that New Years?) well, anyway... When I think about the person I was this time last year and I think about the person I am now... whoa! We've come a long way baby.

No more pitty parties, no more wallowing, no more blah blah blah. Just me and my life. Its been this way for awhile, but winter had me living my life in the warm cozy comfort of my apartment & now I'm ready to shed the sweats and hit the ground running. Speaking of running....

This May, 1 week after my 25th Birthday, I will be running my first ever 1/2 Marathon in Madison I've always enjoyed running (i use the term enjoy very loosely) but never thought I could run 13.1 miles. My boyfriend is running the full..no thanks... and around January he said hey you want to do it with me? I replied that I simply feel that I haven't the mentality to run 26.2 miles, forget the physical aspect. So I compromised on the 1/2. So we shall see.

Training has been under way for a few months and I am up to 18 miles a week with my long runs at 8 miles. If youre thinking of doing your own and don't know where to start, I highly highly reccommend Runner's World. You can even go to their SmartCoach and it will map out a traning program for you. If anything its a great way to get your ass in shape. Trust me!! You'll think about that 3rd 4th and 5th cocktail on Saturday night when you have a 90min run ahead of you the next day.

Get this widget!

In other new beginning news, thanks to a jerky assmonkey theif, I had to get ALL new credit cards, IDs, checking account, you name it. As much of a pain in the ass it was, it was kinda nice to start from scratch. AND I got to sneak out of work early a couple days to "take care of stuff." Thats always nice. But, MR/MRS Thief whoever you are, you suck. And I want my wallet back, I liked that wallet.

Well, the laundry is done so I'd better go put on fresh sheets and head to bed. Run run run in the morning. Perhaps the weather Gods will grant me with some mild weather.

Until then!!! Think Spring (or better yet, Summer!!)

Deja Vu

2009-02-19T11:07:00.003-06:00

Do you ever want to just stay in bed, curled up under the covers, snuggling up with someone and let the day slip away? Right now, I think that is what I'd very much like to do.

I have this overwhelming sense of doom hanging over my head at the moment, cant really say why I guess & my stomach is all fluttery. I think the only thing that will fix this is to be in bed as the little spoon.

Or shoe shopping,wine & pasta - sometimes that helps too.

An REO Speedwagon song comes to mind

2009-01-08T10:59:00.003-06:00

So its 2009 folks and so far I have friends that are engaged, pregnant, engaged and pregnant, just had babies, etc. Are we really that old already? I feel like we just graduated college yesterday and now we're all in our mid to late 20's. Crap! Not that I have a fear of getting older.. I don't. In fact I rather look forward to turning 30 (in five years). Its just that when you are younger, 25 feels so old and mature like we'd all be married by now or something. When in reality I don't feel that much different than I did 5 years ago. Well except that I'm a little wiser, a little thinner and a little better with my money, but thats not really the issue at hand is it.

I just feel this immense pressure to take the next big step and its making me go bananas! Not that I need to get married now, but that I should be thinking about it as my end game. For example, the guy I'm dating, he's sweet, fun, funny, handsome, brings me flowers and cooks me dinner. That and he calls when he says he is going to & is never late. What more could a girl ask for right? So he's basically perfect, but is he perfect for me? I don't know and I feel like I'm expected to know and if this answer is no than I should break up with him because at this age I don't have the time to waste dating people I'm not going to marry. Wait what?? No one has out right said this to me in so many words but these are the thoughts swimming around in my head while those are around me are buying big white dresses, moving out of the city and showing off their adorable baby bumps (which I love by the way).

STOP! I'm not ready. But at the same time I don't want to be left behind. I just want to live in the moment, go with the flow and see where it takes me. I just don't want to wake up one day and feel trapped but I also don't want to miss out on falling in love because I'm afraid of the former.

Really, I'm just having a bad day and I needed to vent. Tomorrow.. who knows.

2008, um.. excuse me? Where did you go?

2008-12-29T08:53:00.003-06:00

Holy crap! In a few days it will be the New Year! 2009. This has been the longest and shortest year of my life - sounds weird, but you know what I mean. This time last year I was weighing the postives and negatives of giving my boyfriend and THIRD chance. Our first "lets start over" date was New Years Day and it was such a great day I thought maybe the rest of the year would be great to. Well, not so much. Apparently if you start in a great place you really have no where to go but down. And down I went. Well, ok I'm being dramatic, it wasnt all bad I just went through a lot this year and in hindsight its all been for the best but at times I wanted to scream and run away.

First, my (ex)boyfriend and I broke up for the LAST time. It was painful, but it was certainly for the best. Love is precious and life is too short to waste it on someone who doesnt feel the same. We'll leave that at that.

Around that same time I found out that my wonderful roommate was leaving me for her boyfriend. Time for the relationship to stand the test of living together. It did by the way... they are engaged to be married and I cant think of girl who deserves it more. :)

But, with every cloud there is a silver lining and a friend of a friend decided she wanted to move downtown and in with me she did. She is my favorite roommate to date and right now I risk losing her to Grad School. Well, its probably time I get a place of my own, but I love my apartment now and I dont want to leave it.

Summer came and went yet I am still finding evidence of all the time I spent at the beach this summer. Sand is like broken glass, just when you think you've got every last grain you find yourself feeling that familiar grit underfoot one day while walking around barefoot.

Towards the end of my summer I decided I needed a break from it all and I hopped a plane to Europe to visit my Aunt. I was there for nearly 3 weeks and it was AMAZING. I didnt want to come home. In fact if I didnt have so many wonderful friends here and a job I dont hate.. I may have stayed. My Aunt and family live in Frieburg, Germany which is a very beautiful town. So charming and full of life and culture. During my stay I joined family and friends for a week long stay in Italy. They had rented a house just outside of Orvieto. Breathtaking. I wandered the streets of Rome, Assisi and some other little places while there. I can't wait to go back when I have more time.

Upon my return from Europe I got unsettling news that my Dad was in the hospital. If you've read my blog at all to date you'll know the story. The good news is that he's doing much better than they expected and he may be eligible for a liver transplant this Spring. It was an extremely rough couple of months but I'm still hoping for the best.

Christmas came and went this year in an unusual fashion for me. Never have I ever spent a Christmas away from home. This year I spent it among old people and palm trees. Well, actually I spent it with my Granparents in Florida and the rest of the family. They live in this beautiful 55+ community in Fort Myers. Albeit a little creepy with the perfectly manicured lawns, golf carts outnumbering residents, and speed limit signs that read 26 and 16 mph.

Regardless, it was beautiful and I had my first chance to see the ocean. Well, techinically it was the Gulf, but still. It was beautiful.

On the way home our plane was delayed 3 hours till 120am, but it wasnt updated until after we'd bid everyone farewell and checked our baggage. So my brother and I spent the next few hours drinking in a bar. Lets just say I remember VERY little of the flight and Saturday morning was a little rough.

New Years Eve is just a few days away and I have no solid plans, no resolution and No IDEA what 2009 will bring. Will I finally let the guy I'm dating further into my life? Will I have to find my very own first apartment? After last year I have no real expectations other than to expect anything and everything.

Cheers!

Sugar Plum + Beer = Halloween Fun!

2008-11-05T13:10:00.003-06:00

The last time I really participated in the whole dress up and go out for Halloween was Freshman year in college. That adventure didn't go so well. It was the first year of the riots on State Street in Madison. My cohorts and I got caught in the crossfire and I had my first, and hopefully only, experience with tear gas. Not so fun. It was quite an experience, but not one I cared to repeat.

Every year I end up getting called to go out & I don't feel like putting together a last minute costume, so I skip it usually. Well, this year I decided on a costume, had it made & figured if I built the costume, the parties would come, and they did.

This year I was The Sugar Plum Fairy, and here are some positives and negatives of this costume:

I got to be all glittery - PRO
Wings in a crowded place are never a good idea - CON
cute boys asking what I'm supposed to be - PRO
drunken idiots asking what I'm supposed to be - CON
The ability to loosen the corset the more I drank - PRO

Later in the night I found myself to be dancing in between two very tall gentlemen. One was dress as a basketball play & the other a fireman - how original. Somehow one of their numbers made its way into my cell phone & the trouble is that I don't really remember which one. Honestly, the only part of the evening I don't remember. Normally this wouldn't be a problem, but then the guy actually texted me which never happens & when I meet a guy at a bar I usually dont WANT it to happen. He had a really good time, blah blah, and I'd like to take you out to dinner this week. SHIT! I'm thinking I don't remember what you look like and the name in my phone just CAN NOT be right. I mean who has the 1st name Milan? This guy. Thank you Myspace. Turns out he's not from around here. Funny thing is I don't remember him having an accent.

It was loud and dark what can I say. We're supposed to have dinner tonight - I'll keep you posted.

The Curse of the Lasagna

2008-10-13T13:46:00.002-05:00

Occurred October 11th, 2008. Sometime after dark....

I suppose the title of this should be, "The Curse of the 2 Pan Lasagna." You laugh, but I promise you this is no joke. Ok fine its pretty funny. Not for my Mom, but for the rest of us the irony is impossible to ignore.

First, we have to back up a little.

In 1992, when my brother was still a boyscout and we lived in Sussex, it was the yearly sledding - potluck dinner family outing thingy. So the night before or the morning of (can't remember which) my Mom started making her famous lasagna. At the time all I could do was turn up my nose because, well because I was 8 years old and I thought most things were gross. Annnyway, as you may or may not know, the key to a really good lasagna is time. The longer and slower you cook it the better it tastes (and less likely to fall apart) because it slowly lets all the flavors mesh.

We lived very close to the hill where the sledding was taking place so my Mom left the 2 pans of lasagna in the oven on warm and we went to go sledding. Well a few hours and lots of cold toes later my Mom decided to give in and hop on the snow tube. Bad idea. I watched as the tube went spinning out of control (as most snow tubes do) and then with my Mother still atop it SLAMMED into a light pole at the bottom of the hill. The rest was a blur I guess. I ran down there well I think I did and my was not unconscious. Being 8 years old Im pretty sure I thought she was dead. Ambulance came, took her away. Details after that are blurry. Dad came and took us to the hospital I guess and then we went to stay with him as she was going to be in the hospital for awhile with a severely broken arm shoulder stuff.

Later that night, at my Dad's house, we decided it would be foolish to let the lasagna go to waste so we all ate it for dinner. By far the BEST lasagna I ever had. Which said a lot considering I had previously no desire to stick my little fork anywhere near it.

So there was Chapter 1 of the Curse - before it became a curse of course because you can't call something a curse if it only happens once.

Fall of 2008:
My Mom's church is right across the street from where I live and she was there preparing to make 2 pans of lasagna. One for brunch Sunday at church and one for my brother, me and herself. 2 pans. Of Lasagna. Being Made. I decided to stop by say hello and nose around. Still in the lasagna making process I bid her farewell because it was Mamma Mia night and dinner at Riviera Maya with 3 very good lady friends.

Leaving dinner my phone rings. Its my brother. I'm sure you can see where this is going. Or maybe not.

"You're not going to believe who's on the way to the hospital now!" say my brother.
Of course freak out and think of my grandfather (well because ironically enough my father was already in the hospital).
"What? Who??"
"Mom. I think she broke her foot." he laughs.

I'm like why the hell are you laughing... and he's like, um remember what Mom was doing today. The Lasagna!

I ask him where she is and he says at church still. Making lasagna. Well it was done, just in the oven. Like last time.

She was really fine. Slightly fractured her foot. She took a step down the stairs, thought she was at the bottom and was not and took a long step two steps away from the bottom. Broken foot.

Eventually we did eat the lasagna and it was delicious once again. Not that I wish my mother any ill will, but the lasagna may be worth a small fracture. Regardless, I think she should stay away from the 2 pan lasagna for awhile.

I suppose this story isnt as funny or riveting as it seemed in my head, but to my brother, mother, father and I it was downright ridiculous.

That's all for now. Gotta run - I'm craving pasta all of the sudden.....

Can You Translate "Post Office" in Russian please?

2008-10-08T13:46:00.003-05:00

Occured 4/02/07
Re-Written 10/08/08

Sometimes you think that the world around you kind of sucks a little and that people are mean, self-centered and will do things for others only if it has some sort of personal gain. I still think that a little I suppose about well, a lot of people, some that I actually consider my friends but thats not really the point. The point is that something happened while I was out and about Saturday afternoon that made me think there is still hope for us all.

Saturday afternoon I walked out of my apartment door squinted a little and reached for my sunglasses. As I headed down the side walk to meet my mom for lunch I was pleasantly surprised at how nice it was outside which maybe explained my good mood. Anyway, I arrived at my mom's and we continued on to grab lunch. As we were crossing the street this little old man kind of waddled up to us asking a question. In is hand he had a little bag with a manilla envelope in it. He was pointing to the envelope and saying something I could not understand. So my Mom say's, "english?" and he replies "no, no, only Russian." He keeps repeating one thing over and over which I could only imagine to be post office. My mom thought he was just looking for a box so she pointed down the street, but then she gestured to his envelope and said, "you dont have any postage, do you need stamps?" I think he sort of understood because he nodded. She pulled the envelope from his bag and it was addressed to the Ukraine which will set you back a wee bit more than $0.39. Meanwhile this other woman walked by and he asks,"Russian?" The woman looked at us curiously and we explained and she goes, "parlez-vous francais," which made me kinda chuckle. This woman says she might know someone who speaks the language and immediately reaches for her cell phone. All this time this old shakey man with a cane is just looking at us a little hopelesly. Here you have this woman on her phone trying to get a hold of someome who speaks Russian, my Mom (bless her heart) is talking to him as though he were deaf not Russian, and then there's me just sort of dumbfounded standing on the street corner with a Russian man. So I shrug my shoulders and smile sheepishly and try to think of a solution.

The woman was unlucky with her phone, and she bid us good luck and farewell. My mom being the kind soul that she is says, "Kaylie we are jsut going to have to walk him there, you dont mind do you?" Of course not> So we walked (very very slowly) for about 8 blocks or so until he saw the American flag in front of the post office, pointed and said that something again that was likely "post office" in Russian. He then turned to my Mother,said thank you several times, kissed her hand and then turned and did the same to me. My mom tried to ask him if he knew how to get home, and I hope the words that came out of his mouth meant yes. Then we watched as slowly waddled across the street my Mom waiting to see if the people turning left would run him over. She has this thing about cars charging the intersection when you are trying to cross the street. I insist that they will not run her over but she swears its almost happened before. Oh Mom.

Not that this was such an amazing profound story but it made me think about what it means to be a good person. If that had been me walking alone on the sidewalk when I encountered the man I may have given my apologies, smiled and continued to walk on down. Not my Mom, if she sees that there is someone who needs help and she can do something to help then she does. In fact I think perhaps she spends more time worrying about and helping others than she does for herself. Which frustrates me when I see how much she has had to struggle in her life and all the bad things that have happened to her. No one was there to help her out when she needed it most yet she would give those same people the shirt off her back if they asked for it. It inspires me to be a better person and not worry about the petty things in life. In some ways I wish could be more like her. Which is why I think on my profile when asked who my hero was - I said it was my Mom.

You Say Tomato, I Say... YUMM!!

2008-10-07T17:00:00.005-05:00

I decided just now that I felt like writing a blog about tomatoes. Perhaps its because I just read an incredible recipe for stuffed tomatoes on the Orangette Blog (which I intend to make tonight) or maybe its because this photo popped up on my rotating screen saver. I guess we'll never really know...

The picture displayed above is from my recent trip to Europe. While in Europe I took a trip to Italy with my Aunt and her family & friends. We rented a Villa outside of Oriveto in this little town called Ospedaletto - which means the "little hospital." It was little all right but I don't recall any hospitals.. anyway. So we did all our own shopping and cooking and it was splendid. The crate of tomatoes was purchased mere hours after we arrived and this was how full it was after 3 days there (we stay for 7) and we ate tomatoes with everything. It was like the neverending tomato supply.

I joked that none of us would ever get cancer from all the lycopene (antioxidant found in most things tomatoish) we were ingesting. We had Caprese Salad, Fresh Tomato Sauce, Tomatoes and olives drizzled in olive oil, pasta with diced tomatoes.... blah blah blah. It took a few days once we returned to Freiburg before I could look at a tomato.

We never made it to the bottom of the crate so we left the remaining (still fresh mind you) tomatoes to the wonderfully friendly italian caretakers of the villa.

A tomato is a tomato is a tomato, but there is something about eating a tomato in Italy from Italy that makes them taste infinitely better. Don't even get me started on the quality of the olives or the espresso... its enough to make you want to live there forever!

Ciao!

Death Sentence

2008-10-04T13:24:00.003-05:00

I returned from Europe the evening of September 5th (I'll fill in the blanks later) and September 6th my Dad was admitted to the ICU. I was told by my space cadet step-mother that he'd had a bad fall fixing a light bulb and his leg was just really banged up. Then I thought why the ICU - well maybe because of all the blood in his leg and he's anemic. So I was told not to worry, so I didn't. Monday afternoon I was fed up with the irking feeling that I was missing some major info so my brother and I skipped out of work and headed to the hospital.

Let me tell you if you've never experienced this - nothing can prepare you for walking in to the ICU to find your 54 year old father (now 55 on sept 24th) laying in a hospital bed all hooked up to things and looking like he has not just one foot in the grave, but the other one too save a for maybe his big toe. This is the part where emotional me is supposed to melt and cry and go sit and hold my poor Daddy's hand, but my brother took that road and I immediately demanded to speak with his doctor, nurse, whatever - I wanted some fucking answers. You don't look like THAT from a banged up leg.

I thought the shock of seeing my Dad lying there hit me hard but it was a whisper of a breeze compared to the blow that hit me next. "Your father has cirrhosis, and if he doesn't stop drinking he will die. He has bleeding, blah blah blah...." I think that was where my ears started ringing and I stopped listening. Ok, now this may sound like denial but its not... my Dad may have drank too much, but he was no drunk. What I call a functioning alcoholic. Alcoholic is a dirty dirty word, but alas at this point it didnt really matter what got him in this position because he was here now and the damage has been done.

Ok, so what now? Well cirrhosis can cause bleeding varices which are these delicate veins in your throat and stomach and they can rupture and bleed. Cirrhosis inhibits your ability to clot properly so you can see how this can be problematic. Well so they said they'd go in make sure all was well and dandy, get his blood count back up and send him home. The rest was up to him.

A few days later he went home and a few days after that my brother and I went to the house and made sure all was well. He had stopped drinking from what he said and what we could tell. Naive? maybe, but you can only hope that he was telling the truth. And he was.

So, life started to go back to normal. I was calling daily to make sure he was ok and to let him know that I loved him. Then it was the day before his 55th bday and I thought we'd go out there and hang out with him. He called the night prior and said he wasn't feeling well and not to come. Another time would be better. Fair enough - he'd been through a lot. I was worried, but not scared. Then, Thursday his wife called and said he wouldn't get up, conscious but disoriented and lethargic. I convinced her to call for help and she did and he refused to go.. to make a long story short my brother went over there and dragged him kicking and screaming to the ER. Good thing too, because too much longer and he could have gone in to a coma.

My father now had hepatic encelopathy- which is caused by an extreme amount of ammonia in your system that your liver has failed to metabolize. This makes a person basically temporarily demented until they either get it flushed out or go into a coma and die. I preferred the former. So back into the ICU Dad went this time he didn't have a clue for days - all he knew was that he wanted to go home. Not for another week would he return.

Then came the really really bad news. I spoke with his Dr and she said that they expected him back but not this soon and that the damage was worse than they thought. Also note that he had not been drinking - which also could have caused this but was not the case. I dont know if that makes this better or more tragic. The liver is huge and a very very crucial part of the overall function of the rest of our bodies. When its been compromised a lot and I mean A LOT can go south FAST!

His Dr told me that he would come out of this and get better and go home, but it would only be a matter of time before he would come back and then he'd recover again but maybe not as much and the cycle will continue like this until the damage is too great and he passes away. My father has end-stage liver disease and it is very likely that he will not live til my 25th birthday which is May 18th.

I thought writing about this would be therapeutic but it wasn't. Just made it feel more real. Good thing only one person I know has the knowledge that this blog exists....

I would give him part of mine if they'd let me.

Xanax Wine Overnight Flights Planes Trains and A Mercedes

2008-10-01T14:13:00.005-05:00

Occured August 18/19, 2008

Every time I plan a trip somewhere I always say that I love to travel, fly and none of the airport business bothers me. I must have a selective memory because as soon as I sat down in my cramped little seat and realized that there was no way I'd be able to see the in-flight movie I was already stressed. I always think about how great and exciting flying is and it is, but after take-off you the reality suddenly sinks in that you will be sitting in that same seat for the next 8.5 hours. Ugh. Naturally when the flight attendant asked me what I'd like to drink she had barely finished her sentence before I blurted out "Wine! Please!" My eagerness for something more than a teeny glass of Coke was matched by my seat mate as he quickly ordered a beer.

Ahhh.... wine and anti-anxiety pills make for a rather relaxing state of mind. My Dr told me specifically not to mix the two & to be fair, I did not. I took the Xanax 90min prior. Besides these pills were new to me so I had a trial run earlier that week to make sure I wouldnt take one and then be found drooling at the gate having missed my flight. No worries, these things did nada. So I thought why not have a glass of wine (or 3)?? No harm no foul. Although some time after dinner was served and some where over the Atlantic Ocean I managed to fall asleep.

I've never taken so many modes of transportation to get to and from someplace. On my way to Germany I drove to Chicago, got on a plane, landed in Frankfurt, took a tram from the tarmac to terminal, then 2 trains from Frankfurt to Freiburg where my Uncle picked me up in his Mercedes convertible that barely fit my luggage.

Finally - I was here! After I get some well needed time adjusting sleep I will head out to explore the beautiful city of Freiburg.

Re-Connected: FINALLY

2008-09-24T18:16:00.005-05:00

For the past two years I have relied wholly on my time at work to provide me with internet access. While most workplaces frown upon such activities mine kinda doesnt care as long as your work is done. So I really had no desire to pay for internet in my apartment especially since I'd always had so much trouble. Well....that ended. My new roommate decided that we must get internet and cable. I have not had cable since freshmen year in the dorms (like 6 years ago!). I thought I wouldn't really care, but I came home, turned on my computer (granted its a PC not the fab MAC i have at work), opened up my wireless connections and away we go!!

Next, conquering the DVR. Hmmm.....

Silly isn't it? I should probably be worried that I'm going to spend too much time in front of this thing, but oh well. I'm sure the novelty of having internet access at home will wear off shortly. The one thing that I am super happy about is that I can now blog whenever I want. I usually try not to while at work because I don't want people knowing I have a blog and because my thoughts get interrupted and they make little sense. Not that they make much sense anyway, but you see my point.

Of course right now I have nothing interesting to say or SO many interesting things to say that I can't possibly sit long enough to write them all so for now I will write none of them.

What to look forward to reading here when I find the ambition:
My trip to Europe
More adventures with Random gentlemen
Dad's trip to the ICU
plans for the next European vacation

Raindrops On Roses

2007-12-28T12:56:00.000-06:00

Christmas came and went. It was wonderful and I was surrounded by my family. My mother, once again, went way overboard. I really wish she would keep her money for herself, but I think it brings her more joy to spend it on her children. Its wonderful & I'm very grateful, but still - it worries me. You may think me a GIANT nerd, but my two favorite gifts were this cute little microwave/kitchen cart thing & a new toaster. As I get older I love the practical gifts.

So everything was the way it always was but some how I still felt very alone and sad. I tried to smile and I did genuinely smile & laugh here and there, but mostly it was forced and I don't know why. I mean, I guess I do know why, but how do I make it stop. I want to be happy, I want to move on, but I can't. Why not?

I have to see him tomorrow. He is bringing me my things and we will talk for a short while I imagine. I put this off as long as I could. I can no longer stay in my safe happy limbo, I have to face him. He offered to send my things if I didn't want to see him, but I know me, and I would regret that. However, the last two nights I've had terrible & stressful dreams about our upcoming encounter. This morning I woke up and as I was drifting back to sleep I began dreaming again as I was halfway between sleep & awake I was hugging him. I was asleep but my senses were alive - like I was aware that I was in my bed and dreaming, but I could feel him. I could feel his arms around me and my head on his chest. Then I began to cry and that woke me up completely. I tried to go back to the dream, but it was gone and so is he.

So tomorrow, I have to face him for real. He said he'd call. I haven't heard his voice since November 19th. I haven't seen his face, except in pictures, since that same date. I'm afraid of how I will react. I'm afraid I will just fall to pieces and cry and not be able to say any of the things I feel like I need to say. I don't want him to walk away feeling sorry for me, or feeling bad because he hurt me so badly. I want him to walk away feeling like he made a huge mistake, to feel like I was the girl for him and he just let me slip right through his fingers. I want him to feel that way because I believe that's the truth (at least at this moment in time I do). Otherwise how could my heart hurt so badly over someone that never really cared.

My greatest fear is that he wants me back. My greatest fear is that he doesn't. No matter what I will not be happy I guess. He says that he doesn't want me out of his life completely and that he's sorry he met me at a bad time in his life. That I'm wonderful and he's a troubled soul. But where does that leave me? As his friend, lover, acquaintance, back to limbo? I wish none of this had happened. I wish we could have just gone on down our happy road together. We were happy. A common friend between us asked him if he was happy before, at least in some ways, he said yes, she then asked is he was miserable now, he said yes. So then what's your deal? I'll never understand. Then again, I've never been married & left to pick up the pieces. He said he couldnt love me, I think he's just afraid to love anyone. I think that we are an odd fit and he assumes because of that in the long run it would never work - so lets end it now before anyone gets hurt he says. More like, before he gets hurt because it was too late for me.

I feel like I don't make sense any more. These blogs aren't really edited. I just sort of sit down and let my fingers do the talking. Which is why at times they tend to be all over the place. So, sorry, if you feel slightly dizzy after reading them. Although I somehow feel that no one is reading them which is fine too. But, if you are, let me know. Am I crazy? No, I know I am not crazy - not yet anyway. But it would be nice to know that someone is out there.

Well, its snowing like crazy here, and I am at the office and should be getting home before I get stuck here. We have the whole week off for holiday, but my laptop went on the fritz and I wanted to check my work email. Dedicated employee I am. They should really pay me more. Anyway, we shall see what happens tomorrow. I'm sure I will be back with lots to say.

Until then.

Autumn is Best.

2007-10-22T16:02:00.000-05:00

I went for a little stroll yesterday. 75 degrees & Sunny on October 21st in Wisconsin is certainly not normal. My favorite time of day is just as the sun is starting to set - this time of year its around 4-530ish and everything gets that warm glowy color & its so beautiful. I love the way the light comes through the trees and the world just looks and feels happy. I was walking through the park near Lake Michigan and there were so many people out just laying in the grass, playing frisbee, flying kites, tossing footballs and those just strolling along..like me. The other things I love about when the weather starts to get cold include sweaters, apple cider, the smell of people burning wood in their fireplaces, cozing up with someone special and patiently waiting for winter to come.

Don't Ask. Listen.

2007-10-17T11:08:00.000-05:00

So this guy that broke my heart - well see my parents had yet to meet him & I todl my Dad he was the nicest guy in the world (which is mostly true - except for the recent brain fart) then I told my Dad the nicest guy in the world just broke my heart & THEN I told my Dad that the nicest guy in the world wasnt so bad after all and came to his senses. This was what my Dad had to say:

"Okay, now I will get philosophical.

It is not unusual at all for someone to run from a relationship in the early stages. In fact, people run from them in later stages.
This is called divorce. Ahem.

This relationship of yours prob needs a little maturing and a great deal of patience on both sides. Months and years are not
outside the realm of need. Physical parts of the relationship don't mean much in the end. I suspect you know that. This is
not to preclude that, just do not depend upon it if that is a part of this.

On a calm stage, not one of alchohol or passion, listen. Don't ask. Try to determine, by listening to minor detail and
sticthing together a picture of what this fellow is all about. The hints will be there. But you have to LISTEN and watch.
These communcative connections occur not at party time, but in the cold light of morning with coffee or while
sitting on a bench in a park with a sandwich. Listen.

As an example, if this guy starts going on about the fact that he would never dissapoint his grandma by not visiting
at Christmas, this tells you something. It might be good. It might be bad.

But a killer is if he casually takes you on tour of his ex-lovers. That's bad. If that comes up and he does not brush
that off, he is an ego centric boob with no sensitivity. Listen. Don't ask.

You see, if you pose a question, the answer becomes contrived. The other person manipulates the response to
please you for the moment. Again, don't ask. Listen.

Enough now, good luck from you Dad. We will back in a few days. We are about to cross into Montana tomorrow.

Love,

Dad"

Mostly good advice. Especially the part about how if you ask then the answer is usually what you want to hear & not necessarily the truth. Then again my Dad did leave my Mom when I was 5 so Im not sure how much he REALLY knows about relationships. But its usually a lot easier to give good sensible advice then it is to apply it to your own life.

The Secret to Life is in A Fortune Cookie

2007-09-25T15:52:00.000-05:00

The other day I was sitting in the beautiful sun-lit kitchen at work engaged in idle conversation with coworkers when two of them (who have been friends a decade preceeding their employment here) started throwing fortune cookies at one another. I yelled at them because they were breaking all of the fortunes open and no one wants a fortune cookie that has already been cracked - right? So, I quickly swiped one before it could reach its unFortunate demise. Its not that I even particularly care for the taste of a fortune cookie, I just think they are fun to open. So I crack open the only surivor of the cookie massacre and this was what it read, "Love or Money, or neither?" What? Really? First of all - is this really a fortune. No, I think not. It does not tell me anything about my future or some wise piece of advice. It simply asks me a question about which of the three choices would be forseen as favorable. So what are you choices...

Option 1: Love, yes I would love to be in love. Love is an important part of life. To know that you have people to love and that love you back is a very comforting feeling. In fact you could say I love love! New love especially is the best. There is someone new in my life that I think I am falling in love and its great. But one does have to worry that their love may not always be reciprocated. Guess thats the risk you have to take. You know how the old saying goes.. better to have blah blah blah
Option: Money. Yes please. As much as it pains me to admit it, money is also an important aspect of life. I know many of us wish it werent but it is so too bad. You have to work hard and hoep you make enough to be comfortable and live a relatively stress free life trying live beyond just making ends meet. Because if you can accomplish that, well then I am sorry maybe money cant buy happiness but it can buy security.
Option 3: Neither. Why? Why would you choose neither unless you think both are just too much of a pain in the ass to deal with. Maybe if the WHOLE world functioned with neither then who knows where we would be. Maybe without money, but most certainly not without love.

So maybe that is my answer for myself for the orginal question of "Love or Money" - I choose LOVE.