Europe Trip-- The beginning

I didnt feel like scribbling away in my journal today about this trip so I thought I'd do a little typing. But I suppose I should start at the beginning. On June 8th my brother and I piled our belongings into the back of our friend's car and rode to the bus station. There we bid farewell to our friend and our Mom and said 'see ya soon,' (soon meaning 63 days)before boarding the bus that would take us to Chicago, to board a plane that would take us to Zurich, Switzerland. I calmed my nerves with two giant glasses of red wine and then boarded the plane for our 8 hour flight over the ocean. This was my 5th transatlantic flight and my brother's first. Of course now they have seats equipped with flat screens so between meals, a few movies and perhaps a little nap, you're there. Well, mine didnt work half the time and the guy behind me was so tall that every time he blinked my seat lurched forward.. but all in all it was not so bad.

Upon our arrival in Zurich, our Aunt Kathy picked us up and we made the 2 hour drive back to their house in Gundelfingen (just outside Freiburg) where we would call home for the next two months. Ahh the vacation high. You think jet-lag is a myth still at this point and have so much energy regardless of how long you have been traveling. But I knew better so I took Kathy's advice, took a 2 hour nap and then we went for a lovely hike with the dog, Goldie, and our cousin Nick. Great remedy for minimizing jet-lag.

Beer garden in Freiburg

View of the Munsterplatz from dinner.

The next day we went into town on the train (7 mins..trains are awesome) and just sort of got our wigs on straight. Saturday, we went to Alsace in France. Isn't that great you can just hop on over to France like hopping down to Chicago. Well not everyone can, but they live so near to the border that it's possible. We went to this place called the Eco Musee, think Old World Wisconsin, but French. At the Eco Musee we stopped to have a coffee and fresh croissant that they make in this little rustic bakery right on the premises. I could really eat fresh croissants for the rest of my life and be happy. Crunchy outside and warm flaky buttery inside. Yum! Then.. my favorite part of the day.. we took the Route Du Vin back and stopped off to sample some wine. Of course in this region we're still so close to Germany that it's a lot of German type wines and mostly white. Which are still good,but not necessarily what the many consider to be "French" wine.





The following Thursday we were leaving for Spain with the family, and that was to be our first trip, but Kathy and Martin urged us to take a daytrip somewhere to get our feet wet. Early the next week and very early in the morning we hopped a train.. using the first day on our rail pass and headed to Kandersteg in the Swiss Alps where we would hike up to this beautiful mountain lake, Oeschinensee. It didnt take long once we were on the train for the scenery to change from the rolling mounds of the Black Forest to the amazing view of the Alps. In some places they were green, some snow capped, waterfalls here and there, and all along if you looked down to the towns below you could see this crystal clear rushing river. Well, I am sure it was several rivers, but you get the idea. Stepping of the train we looked all around us and we're surrounded by beautiful mountains and off a little ways you could see the quaint little resort town of Kandersteg. As my brother said.."cue the Paramount logo." I've seen mountains before, even the Alps (in Chamonix) but these were amazing. Perhaps I was still on that vacation high. Before we started along the path that would take us up (ok part way on a cable car, but really its the only way in this area) we set out to find some lunch. We browsed a few outdoor menus but decided on one that looked a little more cozy. I asked if we could sit outside and the owner opened his arms, smiled, and said, "Please please sit anywhere you like, relax, enjoy!" He was like that the whole meal. I had a quiche and it was delicious and good fuel for our hike. We spent the afternoon hiking up towards the where the lake, then down to the lake and then wandering as far as we could around it before a cave and a waterfall cut off our path and we had to return. It was a weekday so it was quiet. Almost eerily so. You could hear the waterfalls and the streams they produced gurgling their way into the lake. It really amazing and the photos below really do not do it justice. It was such a lovely day. The train ride home however..well, that's another story. The trains in Europe are an entry all their own so I will leave you here with this lovely picturesque view of our first excursion. Pretty soon it was off to Spain for week!!

All the cows had bells on so when walking through
it sounded like windchimes!

Countdown to Europe Summer 2011!

The Tides Are Changing

Wow.. ok. Things are starting to change around here and not just in terms of snow melting, birds chirping stuff, as in my life.

During my college years at UW-Milwaukee I had a lot of fun, pulled off decent grades, changed my major 1/2 way through, took 18 credits most semesters, paid my own way, and somehow managed to graduate in four years without killing anyone or myself. I was so relieved when it was all over. My fellow classmates were all terrified. How would they make ends meet if they didn't find a job?! I was elated to know that now all I had to do was work. After working basically full time and going to school full time, it could only get easier. And it did. But then it got boring. Was this what I had looked forward to? Being behind a desk for the next 40 odd years of my life.. I started to feel trapped, but what else was I going to do? Go back and finish my psych degree and get my PhD, be in school and in debt forever? Nope. Find another job in my field that wasn't as boring to me? I thought about it, but all those other jobs are my clients and I see them all the time and they don't look any happier. We all have this 'live to work' mentality. I wanted to work to live (i think i caught that bug on my recent Europe trip). I at least wanted to do something that felt less like work. I figured if I'm going to work for beans, I may as well seek out something that makes me happy enough not to care.

But how.. when...do I have the balls to take a risk and start over? I wasn't really so sure. All this 'soul - searching' started when my Dad was sick and dying. I was so pissed off being at work, doing a job I hated that made no difference to anyone while I could have been spending precious time with my Dad. That's when I made a deal with myself. Right before he passed away in late August of 2009, I gave myself two years. I told myself that I had two years to really figure out what I wanted to do and start the steps to make that change.


Now, after 4 years of nearly drowning in undergrad in Journalism and then 5 years of working a job that I enjoyed and now loathe I am starting all over. As of Fall 2011 semester (just as my 2 year deadline is up) I will be back in full student mode. This time as a Baking & Pastry Arts student. I found out yesterday that my number was up and I was no longer wait-listed. I went through several emotions in 5 seconds... starting with happy moving on to sad, then terrified and wrapping up somewhere between excited and hopeful.

I'll spare you the details as to how I landed in Baking & Pastry arts, but that's where I've landed. Soon I will have to break the news to the powers that be here at my family-sized office. I'll be happy to leave the job, but sad to leave the people.

But before I begin my journey into chocolates, pastries, and more flour than you can possibly imagine.. I am taking a break. I have been going to school, working or some combination of the two since I was 14. This summer I will be doing neither. June 8th my brother and I are packing up and heading to Europe and won't return until August 11th. Just enough time to unpack, unwind, find part time jobs and start school.

I think my life is about to get more interesting. I hope that I'm able to articulate that here. I hope that someone out there not happy with their current situation stumbles here and maybe thinks they can start over too. Nothing worth doing is ever easy and I just hope that my Dad would be proud of me taking a chance to do what makes me happy.

22 Days til Christmas

Shame on me I know. Well I can't help it. They've been shoving it down my throat around here since the middle of October. Just a few steps from my office there's a park that puts up lots of adorable decor and christmas trees decorated by kids and one giant one made of lights. Well its been up for weeks and I CANT STAND IT. Every year it just shows up earlier and earlier. Next thing you know it will be up after Labor Day and then 4th of July. Might as well just leave the damn thing up all year! I love Christmas, but this makes me dread it. Please, just let me enjoy my Thanksgiving feast and subsequent food coma before you start bombarding me with tinsel and jingle bells!

However, I suppose it is really not too early to be thinking about Christmas lists. Unfortunately, the list of people I shop for has shrunk considerably the last year and a 1/2 (fortunate for my wallet I suppose). So, taking a wise bit of advice from my friend Gabby, and fellow blogger, I suggested to my family that we pick charities and donate in each others' names this year. A mutual friend just took a trip with her husband to Haiti, and while I may donate to that cause, I thought it best to let everyone pick their own. But with so many people out there in need.. how do you choose? Who's most deserving? What charity is best? Well after lots of Google searches trying to weed out the legitimate sites from the not so much ones, I came across Charity Navigator. This site has tips on how to pick, how to contact local charities in your area, and shows stats on how efficient the charity is. Because no one wants to donate their money to a charity that spends more in overhead than they do on the cause in which you are trying to support.

Still with so many needy people and worthy causes, it is so hard to pick. After looking through and through this site, I thought perhaps it would be best to donate locally. I haven't fully made up my mind yet, but I'm leaning towards the Wisconsin Humane Society. Nothing pulls at my heart strings more than sad and unloved furry animals. And obviously, Haiti and Chile and all those other places in the World. I guess just take pause this year when making that list of yours and think to yourself, do I really need the newest ipod or whatever? Sure there are things we all want, but there are so many out there that don't have the things they need(and that we all take for granted). And if you really can't imagine not unwrapping things on the 25th of December, then how about donating your time to a local soup kitchen or homeless shelter Or donating old coats and mittens.

Ok, there's my pitch! And thanks again to Gabby for planting the idea in my head in the first place.

Tomato Romp 2010

The only sounds to be heard were fits of laughter, cheers from the bystanders... and the squishy sound of tomatoes being thrown into the faces, bodies, arms, legs of your peers. It was the EastSides 4th Annual Tomato Romp.

The fun began at 1130 a.m. For my friend, Alyssa and myself. Once our places in the Tomato fight at 4pm were secured we hopped in a 2 block long line on North Ave. to get our slips for the Bloody Mary tasting. Our mission: Sample bloody marys (with chasers) from 11 bars in a 3 block radius by 3pm. Sounds easy right? Especially since they were little bloodies and chasers. I thought to myself, 'there is no WAY I will get drunk from these.' I was wrong. We made the mistake of taking our good sweet time at the 1st three bars. Then I checked my phone and it said 1:30. I turned to Alyssa and told her we had 1.5 hours to hit 8 more bars and turn in our sheets. (not that I cared about the contest..i just wanted the bloody marys). So then we were on a mission. We slammed both bloody and chaser at the next 6 bars, and then saved the best 2 for last (Von Trier & Hooligans).

I hour to go til the fight begins and North Ave was swarming with bloody mary-filled people at 3 in the afternoon. So what to do? Have a beer of course! A giant one. Now we were sufficiently buzzed, changed into our tomato clothes (big thanks to my wonderful Mom for holding our stuff) and ready to get in the cage.

3.....2.....1....... TOMATO FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alyssa: red on left. Me: In dark blue on right (arms up)

see the pink umbrella?? that's my Mom.

The Line Is That Way Boys

Ok ok ok.. I have a confession. I am now among the online dating community. Yes, that is correct, I, Kaylie, joined match.com. I swore up down sideways and back that I would never in a million over  my dead body try dating online. I'm a romantic. I love the thought of locking eyes with someone across the room and from there a fabulous love affair ensues. Well... those moments are usually a result of too much vodka and all that ensues is a whole lotta regret.

So it all started with a slow day at work and a personality test from chemistry.com. I love these things because its funny to see what the results are. Anyway, chemistry is a new offshoot of match (stay away from chemistry.. its dumb) and so my curiosity took me further. "I'll just look," I told myself. Don't have to subscribe to look. Well, then the next morning I had TEN emails and in order to read those e-mails I had to subscribe (pay $$). And so then it was official. I was online dating. And you know.. its not so bad. The boys have been lining up and I'm just your average girl. Or maybe because I'm not 300 lbs and I have all my teeth or something. Some of the emails I get are really crazy though....

"Hi. I see you like to cook. I have to say you look just like my exgirlfriend... she liked to cook to, but she also had no soul. Want to get to  know eachother...."

"I'm currently separated, I have 5 kids, but they don't live it a home....." 

There have been others, but those two are my favorite. On the other side of things, there are some really great, seemingly normal, good looking gentlemen. I've been on 5 dates so far. 2 of which will not be repeated, one that seemed like he'd make a really awesome friend, and the other two have some potential. There are others, but seriously this whole answering emails, scheduling dates, etc, is time consuming. Not to mention going on dates with strangers is nerve-racking. Everytime I do I want to call and cancel because its stresses me out. By the way, a martini is a good cure for that. Just one though. It's poor form to get wasted on the first date.

Well.. there now I feel better having got that off my shoulders. I'm sure there will be more to tell soon.

Happy Friday the 13th!!!!

In a Cake Jam? Bake a Jam Cake!

Last night I made a Lemon Semolina Jam Cake (well minus the semolina flour because I could NOT find it). I stumbled upon this recipe through reading blogs that other blogs I read follow. You follow me? Good. And I came upon the Pastry Studio . Everything this woman has on here looks just delicious! It is summer and I though something light a refreshing would be good and this cake appeared to fit the bill.

For the jam, I made a raspberry and fig jam. Super duper easy. First: make a simple syrup and then add the fruit. Recipe below.

Simple Syrup:
- 1 cup granulated sugar
- 1/2 cup water

Bring the water and syrup to a boil in a saucepan. Then reduce to a simmer for about 10 minutes - or until all the sugar is dissolved. Let cool.

Raspberry Fig Jam
- 1/2 cup simple syrup
- 1 pint fresh raspberries
- handful (6 or so) dried black mission figs halved
- 2 T Brandy (optional)

Bring all ingredients to a simmer in a saucepan. Allow to cool slightly and transfer to a food processor & blend!

I let my jam set in the fridge first before I put it on the cake. I suppose it depends on the thickness of your  jam. I really know nothing of making jam.. this was just an adaptation of a similar recipe I have.

As usual when I bake a cake, I don't want it lying around the house so I bring it to work. I judge the worth of a recipe by how much is left by lunchtime. It is currently 10:09 and there is 1/2 left so I guess it is pretty tasty.

Thanks Pastry Studio!

Flashback:: 2004

Several years ago, life was simple. Free of iphones, ipads, widely available wifi, Myspace, and Facebook. Let us take a moment to remember what that time was like. What did we do with all of that free time?? Were we bored out of our minds? No, not really. We did this thing called socializing but we did it face to face in social settings not social networks. And stalking was still done the old fashioned way and still considered creepy. Sure we had blogs, email, cell phones, texting, etc, but there was not a link to our Facebook page in our back pocket at all times. It was not part of our daily life.

Well, this past week it has not been a part of my daily life. I did the unthinkable! I forgot my password, and when I tried to reset it the confirmation code never made it to my email. It has been 7 days since my last Facebook login. At first I was dumbfounded! How will I know what everyone did over the weekend? How will I know what's going on???? AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! (cue twilight zone music).

Now I remember what it was to have a life. To not know what everyone is doing day in and day out, and actually having a reason to call people to see what's new. I mean how often do you talk to a friend and you're telling them a story, and they go ' oh yeah, I saw that on your Facebook." Don't get me wrong, I am trying to gain access to my account again, but in the meantime I am kind of enjoying the time away. Its like that feeling when you go camping and you have to turn off your cellphone because there isn't a cell tour for miles. After a day or two you don't really care if anyone has tried to call you. Whatever it is... it can wait.

Password loss or not.. I challenge you to take a week vacation from Facebook. Reconnect with you friends and your life in real life.

note to self

this isnt a real post. more like a reminder to myself to make a recipe I just read about. only there was no recipe so I will have to make some assumptions on how to assemble. the dish is a Scallop BLT, with pancetta, tomato coulis and greens on a baguette. yum! if I make it and it turns out i'll post the recipe i used. stay tuned.. whoever you are :)

Patty Cake Patty Cake

I love cake! I mean really, who doesn't? What is even better is that I have an office full of men that like cake too. Why is this good you ask? Well, because if I baked the cake and ate it all myself I'd be as big as a house. Baking for the people at work gives me a good chance to try out recipes and most of the time work foots the bill for ingredients. Bonus!

Last week was a work friends birthday on that silly Irish holiday. I promised her nothing mint, nothing green and nothing irish like. So.. I baked her a chocolate raspberry mousse devils food layer cake. YUM!




Between the layers was a layer of raspberry jam(seedless) covered by a layer of mousse with fresh raspberries pressed into it. Well, the recipe called it mousse, but from what I know about cream and chocolate it was more of a ganache. Then you cover the whole cake in the fluffy mousssey/ganache. Top it off with fresh raspberries and a dusting of cocoa powder. Voila! Heaven. My 2nd layer cake ever - a success. At least in my mind.

Dear No One

It has been 5 months since my Dad passed away. I miss him a lot. Every single day. Sometimes it hits me so hard that it takes my breath away. Sunday I was walking home from the grocery store when images of that day started flooding my head and it was like he died all over again. It just feels like another life another person was laying in that bed. Not my Dad. It couldn't be.

More and more I think back to that day and wish I could go back, freeze time and stay there forever. It was almost easier when the pain was right at the surface and the reality was right in front of me. I could deal with it. Believe it. If I could just go back and hang on. But I know that is silly and the reality is that it happened, it is over, and life must go on. My life must go on, because his did not and he's part of me so I do it for both of us.

And rather than pay someone $200 odd bucks an hour to say that outloud.. I blog.

I Spell My Name L-A-M-E

As the work winds down to a mere 2.5 hours I am starting to think about the weekend ahead and I realized - eh not much happening lady. I love when I have nothing of consequence going on, but sometimes it can be bad because then the little stuff I have to do doesnt get done. Why you ask? Well, if I think I have an infinite amount of weekend time and no schedule to speak off I put it all off and off until its Sunday afternoon and I dont want to fill what is left with chores. So since it is one of those weekends of nothing - I am going to make a to do list. And share it with you (whoever you are). Perhaps if I feel I'm being held accountable I will get it done.

1. Friday - Wash a load of Darks... otherwise I will be starting a fashion known as "Naked Mondays". I live in Wisconsin so that's just not acceptable. Frost bite.. no thanks.
2. Tidy Up. The kitten has been making a mess of Christmas and I need to fix it. Maybe he is just trying to tell me he doesn't like how I put the ornaments on the tree and this is just his way of telling me. Everyone's a critic.
3. Saturday - Hop in the RAV with the BFF and head to GoodWill and JO-Ann Fabrics in search of Ugly Christmas Sweaters for an Ugly Christmas Sweater party.
4. Drink Vino and watch Cheesy Christmas movies on TV & Perhaps make this red grape and pecorino pizza I saw a recipe for today.
5. Sunday - Make Truffles - I ordered this little bitty dough scoop that will be perfect for this and it arrived today. Using a spoon and trying to roll chocolate is hard. It melts in your hands folks. First up... PB Truffles or perhaps Mint? Can't decide.
6. Finish Reading, "Among the Thugs" so I can return it to the library :)

When did my life get to be so boring. I think perhaps it is time to change the name of my blog to "Knit & Snore."

Eesh.

Should I Call the Fire Department??

The Kitty is in the TREE!!!

F is for Fall. F is for Figs. Coincidence?

I like to think of myself as a bit of a foodie, if you will. I don't pretend to know what I am doing or be able to tell you what's in that sauce, but I like to learn and try new things. And who better to test these things on than my friends??

A very good friend of mine was having a wine & movie girl night so I told her I'd make something yummy. At least I'd hoped it be yummy. Most of the cookbooks I have are not big on appetizers so I wandered over to the Food Network to find something worthy. With so many choices I clicked on In Season Now and thought figs sounded like my best bet. I ended up making Pecorino Romano with Apples and Fig Jam. I even made my own fig jam (which was REALLY easy).


The only difference in mine and the photo below was the color of the jam. Mine was bit more purpley. I used dried black mission figs from Whole Foods. I scored the store for at least 25 minutes before I finally asked someone where they were. I'd found fresh figs and all other sorts of fig things, but no dried figs. Apparently, as the help desk person was so kind to inform me, I'd been staring right at them! All the bulk fruits and nuts and there they were.. alphabetically no doubt. Oh well. Then of course because I was then kinda nervous I dropped one on the floor and before I had a chance to grab it someone walked by and stepped on it. I suppose I could have scraped that up and used it as fig jam.. no? Ok.

Now that I'd gathered all my ingredients I went home to make all the pieces to then assemble later at my friend's house. I was really nervous thinking people would turn up their noses at figs. I mean its not something I know of many people eating everyday, but its not as if they are exotic or anything. Though I do have a very funny side story about a fig tree in Orvieto, Italy, but that is for another day. Anyway.. I toasted the baguettes and put it all together on pretty platter, walked back in to the kitchen to make more, walked back out and half had ben devoured. Success!!! Even more so when I said that I'd made the fig jam myself, but then of course I told them it was absolutely simple.(side note on the hazlenuts: if you cant find roasted... throw some on a pan in the oven and watch them closely until they get a golden brown and then crush them up - the flavor makes a big difference - like 350 degrees for 5minutes maybe).



My favorite part was the cheese. I love cheese. It is very important for these treats that you are sure to get the Pecorino Romano. It has such a great flavor. This particular cheese is quite sharp. So sharp that is actually a bit spicy. Anyway, that was my Fig story. Leave it to Giada De Laurentiis I just love her and her recipes always rock. Another one of hers are the pizzettes with carmelized onions and goat cheese!!!! I love food!

Country Road.. Take Me Home...

I guess it is finally time to write about it. After all, it has been a month since it happened.

My Dad, Jack J Magestro, Born 9-24-53, passed away on 8-21-09 at 10:45pm after a long long battle with liver disease. I was there for the very end. It was the oddest experience I have ever had. One would think I'd say the saddest, but it was just too surreal to be sad.

The nurses tried for days and days to stop the bleeding in his body, but with out being able to pinpoint its location and all the procedures too risky, they said there was nothing more we can do but make him comfortable. A month earlier from then I thought he was on the up and that a liver transplant might just be possible. He fought to the very end just like he promised he would. We moved him down to palliative care and were told it could be hours it could be days. I prayed for hours. I didn't want him to suffer anymore.

My Dad really like 70s music and in his car was a tape (yes a tape) of John Denver. So my Brother ran out to get a CD player and some John Denver to pass the time. Dad wasn't conscious (hadnt been for several days) but somewhere deep down I knew he could hear it. Just like I knew that we were all there. As we sat there laughing, crying and reminiscing I noticed his breathing change. It began to slow and become shallow. This, we were told, was part of the "process." The process of dying of course. So I scooted myself to sit next to him on the bed, held his hand and stroked his lustrous dark chestnut hair (55 not a bit of gray). Everyone around me was crying, but I just whispered in his ear that it was ok to go. He promised me he would fight and he did, as long as he could, but now it was time to let go. To be at peace. Finally. Then, his breathing stopped, his heart beat followed and I just sorta sat there, not really able to comprehend the weight of what had just happened. Even as the Dr came in, declared him and eventually he turned cold, it felt so strange. My Dad was gone. He died right before my eyes.

The weirdest thing of all was the slight feeling of envy I had for him. As he was dying I found myself feeling slightly jealous because he was about to find out what happens next. He would know now and none of us do. As far as my 'faith' goes, I don't really know what I believe. But if he went somewhere or nowhere the mystery has ended for him. With this, I also have found myself no longer afraid of death (I used to be TERRIFIED!!!) because I figure if my Dad can do it, so can I. I know that sounds so weird but its true. Not that I want to die, I certainly have no plans to, but I feel a new freedom. I will live until I die and there's no sense in dwelling on it.

Then we went to the bar and had some Scotch.

The next day was filled with Funeral arrangements, TONS of phone calls and the week that followed was not much different. Wednesday was the service. Over 100 people came (my Dad not one of them as he was off to be cremated and didnt want a service) and it warmed my heart to see a line outside. He was such a private man,but yet he touched the lives of many. Thursday, I did not get out of bed until 6pm, and I ignored all my calls. Me and the kitty just hid under the covers.

Now, a month has passed and things still feel weird. I still don't feel that he is gone and I still haven't really cried. His 56th birthday is this Thursday, perhaps it will hit me then. Or maybe the last year was such a struggle and the fear of him dying was worse than the real thing, that I've already done my grieving. Time will tell.

I love you Dad. I'll always be your little girl.

hold on for one more day

On days that I remember I have an email account other than my work one, I go to it and find that I have missed several 'quotes of the day' from Runners World. Well today was very befitting for me right now, but a good thought for anyone.

When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.

Theodore Roosevelt

Meet Ollie

Let me begin by saying what a dog person I am. I have wanted a dog of my own since, well forever, but realistically since I graduated college. Unfortunately, most apartments in the city of Milwaukee have a problem with residents of the canine persuasion. As many of you know (I say that as if people actually read my blog) my life has a hit a bit of rough patch lately. With my Dad being sick, and quite likely near the end of the road, my stepmother making his last days a living hell, and the guy I thought was going to be 'the guy', turning in to a grade A asshole.. I needed something to love. So, I decided it was time to get a cat. I think.

Friday, Aug 7th, which I have now deemed as official asshole day, I decided to take myself to the humane society and have a look at the kittys. While a tiny little furball would be great, my intention was to adopt a cat that was over a year because they are free. Well, of course, I fell in love with a 5 month old blue & white tabby. His name was Humphry, but I decided to name him Ollie.

I went in to his little room, scooped him up and then we played a little. After I put him back I walked away to get some perspective. Did I really want this little guy or was it an impulse. Well, I walked back to his cage and some one was looking in there and he was just happily playing. As soon as I crouched down and had his attention, he came running up to the glass, put his paws up and meowed. And that was that. I was his person. He was coming home with me.

He's a very playful, affectionate and well-behaved kitten. Doesn't scratch, loves toys, and most importantly.. had no trouble getting acquainted with his litter box. He was exactly what I needed and now we're pals for life. Isn't he adorable?!?!?!

Perspective

I think in last few weeks, month maybe, I've started to learn a lot more about myself, what I want to do, whats really important in life, and when to say enough is enough.

A while back I wrote an entry about my Dad, and that he was dying. Well I guess thats partially true. I mean we are all dying aren't we. (my thats glass half empty isnt it?). Originally the Doc thought 6 months at best due to his condition at the time, but he was really quite healthy and managed to stay out of the hospital for quite some time. A few months ago, around my birthday, he started another downhill journey. Thanks to my fucking insane stepmother, he's now in a nursing home. 55 years old and in a nursing home. She claims she cant take care of him so his Doc "prescribed" a nursing home. He's been there for a week and I've been there almost every day to see him. The first day I was there I was a MESS. He told me he felt so alone, betrayed and abandoned and cried. It was almost too much to take. I brought my Mom with me that day (his ex-wife) which he actually seemed to like. I think it made him feel comforted that the person in his life the should care the least, actually really cares a lot.

The point of all of this is that it made me realize that it really is never too late to make amends, or tell people how you feel. Life is too damn short to keep it all bottled up. You never know when you're going to get your last chance. I hope that my Dad continues to get better and they get him the new liver that he needs, but if he doesnt at least I'll know I made the most of what time he has left.

There are other people in my life, ok one in particular, that I wish would realize how short life is and that needing people or letting them see your weaknesses is ok. But you can't change people. People can change, but they have to do it on their own. I just have to learn to find peace in the fact that I've done and said everything that I can to let them know I care. If you love something let it go right.....

I've mentioned a lot lately that I don't really like what I'm doing anymore, that it feels meaningless. Well, after spending a few days in a nursing home surrounded by people that need people it made me realize what direction to maybe head in. No, I dont want to be a nurse or anything, but I want to help people in some way. I just have to figure out how. Not everyone is as lucky as my Dad to have people come see him everyday. So as I'm walking around doing things for my Dad, people are always asking me to grab this or that, call a nurse or something, and to see the insanely grateful look on someone's face when all you did was change the channel for them is really something.

I never thought I could handle all of this, but I seem to be, not sure how, but I am. My Mom keeps telling what a wonderful woman I've turned into. I guess I just think, why wouldnt I go see my Dad every day that I can. It just feels like a no brainer. If that makes me wonderful, well then I guess I am. I just see it as being a good daughter for my Dad.

the Valet

I am currently sitting at my desk at work. Behind me are two VERY large windows and beyond those windows is an ever increasing amount of fog and now we're hearing sirens. Super. Not to worry though, the tornados are South of us. Storms dont really scare me, but then again, I'm not thrilled about going outside in them to get home.

But thats not why I wrote this blog today. I wanted to review the movie I watched this weekend.




I don't if foreign films are just inherently better or if its the allure of the French speaking people or what. All I can say is that I thoroughly enjoyed this movie, but I think that if it had been in English it would have been a complete waste of 85 minutes of my life. I guess you can decide for yourself. Its a tale of a valet at a fancy French restaurant that ends up as a part of a scandal simply because he was at the wrong place at the wrong time. Suddenly he finds himself getting paid to "date" a supermodel which drives his valet driving buddy mad. Although the best part of the film is the family Dr that usually ends up getting treated on his house calls instead of treating his patients. Its a silly side story, but clever.

The other thing with Foreign films is that you find yourself not even really reading the subtitles or at least forget you are reading them. Kind of like when you read a book and you're so deeply in to it that there are no longer words on the page.

Anyway, if you're perusing the new releases at the video store and realize that everything is crap. Head over to the foreign film section and grab something that looks interesting. Another good one is, "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly." Much darker but the cinematography is amazing and somewhat dizzying. Its an interesting story of the editor of French Vogues' battle with "locked-in syndrome."

Well, I'm off to brave the storm for a whole 2 blocks home. Seems like a good night to pop in a movie and have a glass of vino. I think I might do just that!

Five and Twenty

Last week I turned 25 years old... or should I say 25 years young? I can remember a time when I was much much younger, lets say 7 or 8, that I couldn't even fathom what it would be like to turn 16, go to high school & college! And now, here I am, a quarter of a century old and I have no idea where any of it went. Time is a funny funny thing. In the last decade I've gone from Freshman in Highschool, Freshmen in College, Legal Drinking age, college Graduate, SEVERAL apartments. What will the next decade bring (besides my 30s?). So now what?

Getting older doesn't really scare me anymore.. well not the aging part anyway. What scares me is that I'm going to be too afraid to do what I really want in life. Not that I hate my profession, but it just doesnt satisfy me. I feel like I'm meant to do more and I'm afraid I'll settle. There just has to be more to my life then getting up, going to work, working out, wash rinse repeat. That cant be it for me. Anything worth doing in life is never easy.. or so they say. I've been thinking about that a lot lately and have some thoughts.. but thats enough to fill a whole other entry.

Presently, I am in the process of moving in to my very first one bedroom apartment. My first time with out a roommate. No one to answer to (or pick up after) but myself. I promised myself a long long time ago that I would live alone at least once before I moved in with a boyfriend/fiance whatever. My boyfriend thought I was kinda being silly mostly for practical reasons, such as why the hell would I want to pay rent when I could live with him virtually rent free?? Tempting, yes, but it is just something I had to do.

Well, mute point now because the jerkface dumped me 2 days after my birthday!!! Just a few days before the 1/2 marathon we'd been training for ($65 down the drain for this girl) and just over a week before he was set to be my muscle to help me move to my new place. So I had to rent a Uhaul and try and find some strong guys besides my brother to help me move the heavy stuff. Lucky for me I have really awesome friends that always step up when it counts.

People keep telling me that he couldnt have meant that much to me because I'm not wreck like I was with Greg. Well thats a lame comparison. Besides, I've learned that moping around, crying, and drinking excessively do absolutely nothing to help. Yes, I miss Jeremy terribly and I still am so beyond confused, but what can I do? Nothing. I hope he pulls his head out of his ass and realizes how stupid he's being, but maybe he never will or maybe he really just had a change of heart. Either way it is out of my hands.


I've been so busy and stressed that I havent even had a chance to really grieve the death of my relationship. The relationship that I thought was THE relationship. One day he was talking about letting me pick out decor for his remodeled basement since Id be living there too, eventually, and telling me that he loves me and then BAM!!! This doesn't feel right anymore? I believe the words that came out of my mouth were literally, "what the hell kind of crack did you smoke when you woke up this morning?" I could not believe what was happening. I'm sure somewhere between hanging my new curtains and organizing my kitchen it will hit me and I'll curl up in the corner, with a glass of wine, and cry. Until that happens... I will just have to keep pushing on.

Look forward to pictures of my new place soon! Oh and pray (dont care who you pray to) that my couch fits up the stairs and in the door.

Ciao!