Thursday, January 8, 2009

An REO Speedwagon song comes to mind

So its 2009 folks and so far I have friends that are engaged, pregnant, engaged and pregnant, just had babies, etc. Are we really that old already? I feel like we just graduated college yesterday and now we're all in our mid to late 20's. Crap! Not that I have a fear of getting older.. I don't. In fact I rather look forward to turning 30 (in five years). Its just that when you are younger, 25 feels so old and mature like we'd all be married by now or something. When in reality I don't feel that much different than I did 5 years ago. Well except that I'm a little wiser, a little thinner and a little better with my money, but thats not really the issue at hand is it.

I just feel this immense pressure to take the next big step and its making me go bananas! Not that I need to get married now, but that I should be thinking about it as my end game. For example, the guy I'm dating, he's sweet, fun, funny, handsome, brings me flowers and cooks me dinner. That and he calls when he says he is going to & is never late. What more could a girl ask for right? So he's basically perfect, but is he perfect for me? I don't know and I feel like I'm expected to know and if this answer is no than I should break up with him because at this age I don't have the time to waste dating people I'm not going to marry. Wait what?? No one has out right said this to me in so many words but these are the thoughts swimming around in my head while those are around me are buying big white dresses, moving out of the city and showing off their adorable baby bumps (which I love by the way).

STOP! I'm not ready. But at the same time I don't want to be left behind. I just want to live in the moment, go with the flow and see where it takes me. I just don't want to wake up one day and feel trapped but I also don't want to miss out on falling in love because I'm afraid of the former.

Really, I'm just having a bad day and I needed to vent. Tomorrow.. who knows.