Tuesday, June 23, 2009


I think in last few weeks, month maybe, I've started to learn a lot more about myself, what I want to do, whats really important in life, and when to say enough is enough.

A while back I wrote an entry about my Dad, and that he was dying. Well I guess thats partially true. I mean we are all dying aren't we. (my thats glass half empty isnt it?). Originally the Doc thought 6 months at best due to his condition at the time, but he was really quite healthy and managed to stay out of the hospital for quite some time. A few months ago, around my birthday, he started another downhill journey. Thanks to my fucking insane stepmother, he's now in a nursing home. 55 years old and in a nursing home. She claims she cant take care of him so his Doc "prescribed" a nursing home. He's been there for a week and I've been there almost every day to see him. The first day I was there I was a MESS. He told me he felt so alone, betrayed and abandoned and cried. It was almost too much to take. I brought my Mom with me that day (his ex-wife) which he actually seemed to like. I think it made him feel comforted that the person in his life the should care the least, actually really cares a lot.

The point of all of this is that it made me realize that it really is never too late to make amends, or tell people how you feel. Life is too damn short to keep it all bottled up. You never know when you're going to get your last chance. I hope that my Dad continues to get better and they get him the new liver that he needs, but if he doesnt at least I'll know I made the most of what time he has left.

There are other people in my life, ok one in particular, that I wish would realize how short life is and that needing people or letting them see your weaknesses is ok. But you can't change people. People can change, but they have to do it on their own. I just have to learn to find peace in the fact that I've done and said everything that I can to let them know I care. If you love something let it go right.....

I've mentioned a lot lately that I don't really like what I'm doing anymore, that it feels meaningless. Well, after spending a few days in a nursing home surrounded by people that need people it made me realize what direction to maybe head in. No, I dont want to be a nurse or anything, but I want to help people in some way. I just have to figure out how. Not everyone is as lucky as my Dad to have people come see him everyday. So as I'm walking around doing things for my Dad, people are always asking me to grab this or that, call a nurse or something, and to see the insanely grateful look on someone's face when all you did was change the channel for them is really something.

I never thought I could handle all of this, but I seem to be, not sure how, but I am. My Mom keeps telling what a wonderful woman I've turned into. I guess I just think, why wouldnt I go see my Dad every day that I can. It just feels like a no brainer. If that makes me wonderful, well then I guess I am. I just see it as being a good daughter for my Dad.

Monday, June 8, 2009

the Valet

I am currently sitting at my desk at work. Behind me are two VERY large windows and beyond those windows is an ever increasing amount of fog and now we're hearing sirens. Super. Not to worry though, the tornados are South of us. Storms dont really scare me, but then again, I'm not thrilled about going outside in them to get home.

But thats not why I wrote this blog today. I wanted to review the movie I watched this weekend.

I don't if foreign films are just inherently better or if its the allure of the French speaking people or what. All I can say is that I thoroughly enjoyed this movie, but I think that if it had been in English it would have been a complete waste of 85 minutes of my life. I guess you can decide for yourself. Its a tale of a valet at a fancy French restaurant that ends up as a part of a scandal simply because he was at the wrong place at the wrong time. Suddenly he finds himself getting paid to "date" a supermodel which drives his valet driving buddy mad. Although the best part of the film is the family Dr that usually ends up getting treated on his house calls instead of treating his patients. Its a silly side story, but clever.

The other thing with Foreign films is that you find yourself not even really reading the subtitles or at least forget you are reading them. Kind of like when you read a book and you're so deeply in to it that there are no longer words on the page.

Anyway, if you're perusing the new releases at the video store and realize that everything is crap. Head over to the foreign film section and grab something that looks interesting. Another good one is, "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly." Much darker but the cinematography is amazing and somewhat dizzying. Its an interesting story of the editor of French Vogues' battle with "locked-in syndrome."

Well, I'm off to brave the storm for a whole 2 blocks home. Seems like a good night to pop in a movie and have a glass of vino. I think I might do just that!