Friday, December 4, 2009

I Spell My Name L-A-M-E

As the work winds down to a mere 2.5 hours I am starting to think about the weekend ahead and I realized - eh not much happening lady. I love when I have nothing of consequence going on, but sometimes it can be bad because then the little stuff I have to do doesnt get done. Why you ask? Well, if I think I have an infinite amount of weekend time and no schedule to speak off I put it all off and off until its Sunday afternoon and I dont want to fill what is left with chores. So since it is one of those weekends of nothing - I am going to make a to do list. And share it with you (whoever you are). Perhaps if I feel I'm being held accountable I will get it done.

1. Friday - Wash a load of Darks... otherwise I will be starting a fashion known as "Naked Mondays". I live in Wisconsin so that's just not acceptable. Frost bite.. no thanks.
2. Tidy Up. The kitten has been making a mess of Christmas and I need to fix it. Maybe he is just trying to tell me he doesn't like how I put the ornaments on the tree and this is just his way of telling me. Everyone's a critic.
3. Saturday - Hop in the RAV with the BFF and head to GoodWill and JO-Ann Fabrics in search of Ugly Christmas Sweaters for an Ugly Christmas Sweater party.
4. Drink Vino and watch Cheesy Christmas movies on TV & Perhaps make this red grape and pecorino pizza I saw a recipe for today.
5. Sunday - Make Truffles - I ordered this little bitty dough scoop that will be perfect for this and it arrived today. Using a spoon and trying to roll chocolate is hard. It melts in your hands folks. First up... PB Truffles or perhaps Mint? Can't decide.
6. Finish Reading, "Among the Thugs" so I can return it to the library :)

When did my life get to be so boring. I think perhaps it is time to change the name of my blog to "Knit & Snore."


Friday, October 23, 2009

F is for Fall. F is for Figs. Coincidence?

I like to think of myself as a bit of a foodie, if you will. I don't pretend to know what I am doing or be able to tell you what's in that sauce, but I like to learn and try new things. And who better to test these things on than my friends??

A very good friend of mine was having a wine & movie girl night so I told her I'd make something yummy. At least I'd hoped it be yummy. Most of the cookbooks I have are not big on appetizers so I wandered over to the Food Network to find something worthy. With so many choices I clicked on In Season Now and thought figs sounded like my best bet. I ended up making Pecorino Romano with Apples and Fig Jam. I even made my own fig jam (which was REALLY easy).

The only difference in mine and the photo below was the color of the jam. Mine was bit more purpley. I used dried black mission figs from Whole Foods. I scored the store for at least 25 minutes before I finally asked someone where they were. I'd found fresh figs and all other sorts of fig things, but no dried figs. Apparently, as the help desk person was so kind to inform me, I'd been staring right at them! All the bulk fruits and nuts and there they were.. alphabetically no doubt. Oh well. Then of course because I was then kinda nervous I dropped one on the floor and before I had a chance to grab it someone walked by and stepped on it. I suppose I could have scraped that up and used it as fig jam.. no? Ok.

Now that I'd gathered all my ingredients I went home to make all the pieces to then assemble later at my friend's house. I was really nervous thinking people would turn up their noses at figs. I mean its not something I know of many people eating everyday, but its not as if they are exotic or anything. Though I do have a very funny side story about a fig tree in Orvieto, Italy, but that is for another day. Anyway.. I toasted the baguettes and put it all together on pretty platter, walked back in to the kitchen to make more, walked back out and half had ben devoured. Success!!! Even more so when I said that I'd made the fig jam myself, but then of course I told them it was absolutely simple.(side note on the hazlenuts: if you cant find roasted... throw some on a pan in the oven and watch them closely until they get a golden brown and then crush them up - the flavor makes a big difference - like 350 degrees for 5minutes maybe).

My favorite part was the cheese. I love cheese. It is very important for these treats that you are sure to get the Pecorino Romano. It has such a great flavor. This particular cheese is quite sharp. So sharp that is actually a bit spicy. Anyway, that was my Fig story. Leave it to Giada De Laurentiis I just love her and her recipes always rock. Another one of hers are the pizzettes with carmelized onions and goat cheese!!!! I love food!

Monday, September 21, 2009

Country Road.. Take Me Home...

I guess it is finally time to write about it. After all, it has been a month since it happened.

My Dad, Jack J Magestro, Born 9-24-53, passed away on 8-21-09 at 10:45pm after a long long battle with liver disease. I was there for the very end. It was the oddest experience I have ever had. One would think I'd say the saddest, but it was just too surreal to be sad.

The nurses tried for days and days to stop the bleeding in his body, but with out being able to pinpoint its location and all the procedures too risky, they said there was nothing more we can do but make him comfortable. A month earlier from then I thought he was on the up and that a liver transplant might just be possible. He fought to the very end just like he promised he would. We moved him down to palliative care and were told it could be hours it could be days. I prayed for hours. I didn't want him to suffer anymore.

My Dad really like 70s music and in his car was a tape (yes a tape) of John Denver. So my Brother ran out to get a CD player and some John Denver to pass the time. Dad wasn't conscious (hadnt been for several days) but somewhere deep down I knew he could hear it. Just like I knew that we were all there. As we sat there laughing, crying and reminiscing I noticed his breathing change. It began to slow and become shallow. This, we were told, was part of the "process." The process of dying of course. So I scooted myself to sit next to him on the bed, held his hand and stroked his lustrous dark chestnut hair (55 not a bit of gray). Everyone around me was crying, but I just whispered in his ear that it was ok to go. He promised me he would fight and he did, as long as he could, but now it was time to let go. To be at peace. Finally. Then, his breathing stopped, his heart beat followed and I just sorta sat there, not really able to comprehend the weight of what had just happened. Even as the Dr came in, declared him and eventually he turned cold, it felt so strange. My Dad was gone. He died right before my eyes.

The weirdest thing of all was the slight feeling of envy I had for him. As he was dying I found myself feeling slightly jealous because he was about to find out what happens next. He would know now and none of us do. As far as my 'faith' goes, I don't really know what I believe. But if he went somewhere or nowhere the mystery has ended for him. With this, I also have found myself no longer afraid of death (I used to be TERRIFIED!!!) because I figure if my Dad can do it, so can I. I know that sounds so weird but its true. Not that I want to die, I certainly have no plans to, but I feel a new freedom. I will live until I die and there's no sense in dwelling on it.

Then we went to the bar and had some Scotch.

The next day was filled with Funeral arrangements, TONS of phone calls and the week that followed was not much different. Wednesday was the service. Over 100 people came (my Dad not one of them as he was off to be cremated and didnt want a service) and it warmed my heart to see a line outside. He was such a private man,but yet he touched the lives of many. Thursday, I did not get out of bed until 6pm, and I ignored all my calls. Me and the kitty just hid under the covers.

Now, a month has passed and things still feel weird. I still don't feel that he is gone and I still haven't really cried. His 56th birthday is this Thursday, perhaps it will hit me then. Or maybe the last year was such a struggle and the fear of him dying was worse than the real thing, that I've already done my grieving. Time will tell.

I love you Dad. I'll always be your little girl.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

hold on for one more day

On days that I remember I have an email account other than my work one, I go to it and find that I have missed several 'quotes of the day' from Runners World. Well today was very befitting for me right now, but a good thought for anyone.

When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.

Theodore Roosevelt

Monday, August 10, 2009

Meet Ollie

Let me begin by saying what a dog person I am. I have wanted a dog of my own since, well forever, but realistically since I graduated college. Unfortunately, most apartments in the city of Milwaukee have a problem with residents of the canine persuasion. As many of you know (I say that as if people actually read my blog) my life has a hit a bit of rough patch lately. With my Dad being sick, and quite likely near the end of the road, my stepmother making his last days a living hell, and the guy I thought was going to be 'the guy', turning in to a grade A asshole.. I needed something to love. So, I decided it was time to get a cat. I think.

Friday, Aug 7th, which I have now deemed as official asshole day, I decided to take myself to the humane society and have a look at the kittys. While a tiny little furball would be great, my intention was to adopt a cat that was over a year because they are free. Well, of course, I fell in love with a 5 month old blue & white tabby. His name was Humphry, but I decided to name him Ollie.

I went in to his little room, scooped him up and then we played a little. After I put him back I walked away to get some perspective. Did I really want this little guy or was it an impulse. Well, I walked back to his cage and some one was looking in there and he was just happily playing. As soon as I crouched down and had his attention, he came running up to the glass, put his paws up and meowed. And that was that. I was his person. He was coming home with me.

He's a very playful, affectionate and well-behaved kitten. Doesn't scratch, loves toys, and most importantly.. had no trouble getting acquainted with his litter box. He was exactly what I needed and now we're pals for life. Isn't he adorable?!?!?!

Tuesday, June 23, 2009


I think in last few weeks, month maybe, I've started to learn a lot more about myself, what I want to do, whats really important in life, and when to say enough is enough.

A while back I wrote an entry about my Dad, and that he was dying. Well I guess thats partially true. I mean we are all dying aren't we. (my thats glass half empty isnt it?). Originally the Doc thought 6 months at best due to his condition at the time, but he was really quite healthy and managed to stay out of the hospital for quite some time. A few months ago, around my birthday, he started another downhill journey. Thanks to my fucking insane stepmother, he's now in a nursing home. 55 years old and in a nursing home. She claims she cant take care of him so his Doc "prescribed" a nursing home. He's been there for a week and I've been there almost every day to see him. The first day I was there I was a MESS. He told me he felt so alone, betrayed and abandoned and cried. It was almost too much to take. I brought my Mom with me that day (his ex-wife) which he actually seemed to like. I think it made him feel comforted that the person in his life the should care the least, actually really cares a lot.

The point of all of this is that it made me realize that it really is never too late to make amends, or tell people how you feel. Life is too damn short to keep it all bottled up. You never know when you're going to get your last chance. I hope that my Dad continues to get better and they get him the new liver that he needs, but if he doesnt at least I'll know I made the most of what time he has left.

There are other people in my life, ok one in particular, that I wish would realize how short life is and that needing people or letting them see your weaknesses is ok. But you can't change people. People can change, but they have to do it on their own. I just have to learn to find peace in the fact that I've done and said everything that I can to let them know I care. If you love something let it go right.....

I've mentioned a lot lately that I don't really like what I'm doing anymore, that it feels meaningless. Well, after spending a few days in a nursing home surrounded by people that need people it made me realize what direction to maybe head in. No, I dont want to be a nurse or anything, but I want to help people in some way. I just have to figure out how. Not everyone is as lucky as my Dad to have people come see him everyday. So as I'm walking around doing things for my Dad, people are always asking me to grab this or that, call a nurse or something, and to see the insanely grateful look on someone's face when all you did was change the channel for them is really something.

I never thought I could handle all of this, but I seem to be, not sure how, but I am. My Mom keeps telling what a wonderful woman I've turned into. I guess I just think, why wouldnt I go see my Dad every day that I can. It just feels like a no brainer. If that makes me wonderful, well then I guess I am. I just see it as being a good daughter for my Dad.

Monday, June 8, 2009

the Valet

I am currently sitting at my desk at work. Behind me are two VERY large windows and beyond those windows is an ever increasing amount of fog and now we're hearing sirens. Super. Not to worry though, the tornados are South of us. Storms dont really scare me, but then again, I'm not thrilled about going outside in them to get home.

But thats not why I wrote this blog today. I wanted to review the movie I watched this weekend.

I don't if foreign films are just inherently better or if its the allure of the French speaking people or what. All I can say is that I thoroughly enjoyed this movie, but I think that if it had been in English it would have been a complete waste of 85 minutes of my life. I guess you can decide for yourself. Its a tale of a valet at a fancy French restaurant that ends up as a part of a scandal simply because he was at the wrong place at the wrong time. Suddenly he finds himself getting paid to "date" a supermodel which drives his valet driving buddy mad. Although the best part of the film is the family Dr that usually ends up getting treated on his house calls instead of treating his patients. Its a silly side story, but clever.

The other thing with Foreign films is that you find yourself not even really reading the subtitles or at least forget you are reading them. Kind of like when you read a book and you're so deeply in to it that there are no longer words on the page.

Anyway, if you're perusing the new releases at the video store and realize that everything is crap. Head over to the foreign film section and grab something that looks interesting. Another good one is, "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly." Much darker but the cinematography is amazing and somewhat dizzying. Its an interesting story of the editor of French Vogues' battle with "locked-in syndrome."

Well, I'm off to brave the storm for a whole 2 blocks home. Seems like a good night to pop in a movie and have a glass of vino. I think I might do just that!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Five and Twenty

Last week I turned 25 years old... or should I say 25 years young? I can remember a time when I was much much younger, lets say 7 or 8, that I couldn't even fathom what it would be like to turn 16, go to high school & college! And now, here I am, a quarter of a century old and I have no idea where any of it went. Time is a funny funny thing. In the last decade I've gone from Freshman in Highschool, Freshmen in College, Legal Drinking age, college Graduate, SEVERAL apartments. What will the next decade bring (besides my 30s?). So now what?

Getting older doesn't really scare me anymore.. well not the aging part anyway. What scares me is that I'm going to be too afraid to do what I really want in life. Not that I hate my profession, but it just doesnt satisfy me. I feel like I'm meant to do more and I'm afraid I'll settle. There just has to be more to my life then getting up, going to work, working out, wash rinse repeat. That cant be it for me. Anything worth doing in life is never easy.. or so they say. I've been thinking about that a lot lately and have some thoughts.. but thats enough to fill a whole other entry.

Presently, I am in the process of moving in to my very first one bedroom apartment. My first time with out a roommate. No one to answer to (or pick up after) but myself. I promised myself a long long time ago that I would live alone at least once before I moved in with a boyfriend/fiance whatever. My boyfriend thought I was kinda being silly mostly for practical reasons, such as why the hell would I want to pay rent when I could live with him virtually rent free?? Tempting, yes, but it is just something I had to do.

Well, mute point now because the jerkface dumped me 2 days after my birthday!!! Just a few days before the 1/2 marathon we'd been training for ($65 down the drain for this girl) and just over a week before he was set to be my muscle to help me move to my new place. So I had to rent a Uhaul and try and find some strong guys besides my brother to help me move the heavy stuff. Lucky for me I have really awesome friends that always step up when it counts.

People keep telling me that he couldnt have meant that much to me because I'm not wreck like I was with Greg. Well thats a lame comparison. Besides, I've learned that moping around, crying, and drinking excessively do absolutely nothing to help. Yes, I miss Jeremy terribly and I still am so beyond confused, but what can I do? Nothing. I hope he pulls his head out of his ass and realizes how stupid he's being, but maybe he never will or maybe he really just had a change of heart. Either way it is out of my hands.

I've been so busy and stressed that I havent even had a chance to really grieve the death of my relationship. The relationship that I thought was THE relationship. One day he was talking about letting me pick out decor for his remodeled basement since Id be living there too, eventually, and telling me that he loves me and then BAM!!! This doesn't feel right anymore? I believe the words that came out of my mouth were literally, "what the hell kind of crack did you smoke when you woke up this morning?" I could not believe what was happening. I'm sure somewhere between hanging my new curtains and organizing my kitchen it will hit me and I'll curl up in the corner, with a glass of wine, and cry. Until that happens... I will just have to keep pushing on.

Look forward to pictures of my new place soon! Oh and pray (dont care who you pray to) that my couch fits up the stairs and in the door.


Monday, April 13, 2009


Easter came and went. My brother made a yummy vegetable risotto, I made roasted leeks with bacon cooked over the top to hold in all the fab flavors, and my mom made strawberry shortcake and some beef. She insisted we need a protein. Anyway. In an effort to please my Mom, I also went to church Sunday morning. My boyfriend asked me if I started on fire or if my eyes were burning. HA. Very Funny. But no. Its not that I have a problem with religion - to each their own. I just hate sitting there for an hour while we all sing the same boring songs (out of tune to boot) and feeling uncomfortable.
But I digrees...
Last night after they left my apartment, and I had all the dishes done, I poured myself one last glass of vino and watched the movie, "Once". Its a story about an Irish street performer and a Czech pianist. They decide to get together and record an album before he goes off to London to try and get famous. The music is absolutely gorgeous. My favorite is, "If You Want Me." I highly recommend the movie and the soundtrack. If you go on to itunes its either, Once (music from the motion picture) or there is an album that Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova put out called "The Swell Season."

Monday, April 6, 2009

I Think We're Alone Now....

....There Doesn't Seem to be Anyone Around!

Starting June 1st, I will be the sole occupant of a 1 Bedroom apartment! My very first, very own place! While I absolutely love my apartment now, 7th floor, lake view, lots of sun, balcony (ok now im sad), it's time that I have a place of my own. I've been on the receiving end of "roommate breakup" a few times, but it was a lot harder than I thought. How do I tell someone that I am moving out with out hurting their feelings, or will they even care? Well, turns out she kinda saw it coming and we opened a bottle of Beujolais and went on with our evening.

My roommate is a night owl and while I like to go out and have a good time, I find myself craving sleep more. I could be unrealistic and whine that it is all her fault, that she's inconsiderate, but in truth, we are just two different. I can't expect her to go to bed and not watch TV til 2am because its the only time she has, but she can't expect me to continue to live in a place where I can't get a decent nights' sleep.

Another, slightly further from the point, reason is the possibility of living with a guy in the near future. I have always said that no matter what if I am ever going to move in with a boyfriend, fiance, whatever, that I MUST live alone first. My Dad and I were discussing this over the phone the other day and he was very excited about my new place and agreed that living completely on your own is necessary for some people and is kinda of a self discovery sort of venture.

Back to the new place - while it is not nearly as light and beautiful as the place I live now I am quite excited about one thing, ok two things... a kitchen that will allow me to cook with out running out of places to put things. A medium size kitchen table will fit too! AND, what this place lacks in sq. footage and sun light it makes up for in closet space. This place has 4 or 5 closets (at least) and two of them are walk in. I'm starting to think I may need to go buy more clothes. Unfortunately, now that I am on my own I have to watch the budget. :(

As soon as I get the keys I will take some before photos and some after ones once I've decorated it. Pray to the moving GODS that my wonderful green couch fits in the door. Id be really sad if it didn't. I've already told my boyfriend that if it does not that he must keep it in his basement for me until I have a place big enough or I move in. Which brings me slightly off topic... I've never had a guy so willing to commit. Its almost unreal. He really wants me to move in to his house with him, but I respectfully declined and explained that as tempting as that would be, this is something that I need to do for me. I'd regret it if I never lived on my own. Besides, its only a year and we still have a lot of relationship to build before we share a roof.

Til next time!

Monday, March 23, 2009

Out like a Lamb my Ass!

I guess its hardly half way through March, but honestly Spring, where are you??? I am so sick of this weather. Its like the season that couldn't. Well, despite the weather, spring is supposed to be a time for renewal and fresh starts (or is that New Years?) well, anyway... When I think about the person I was this time last year and I think about the person I am now... whoa! We've come a long way baby.

No more pitty parties, no more wallowing, no more blah blah blah. Just me and my life. Its been this way for awhile, but winter had me living my life in the warm cozy comfort of my apartment & now I'm ready to shed the sweats and hit the ground running. Speaking of running....

This May, 1 week after my 25th Birthday, I will be running my first ever 1/2 Marathon in Madison I've always enjoyed running (i use the term enjoy very loosely) but never thought I could run 13.1 miles. My boyfriend is running the thanks... and around January he said hey you want to do it with me? I replied that I simply feel that I haven't the mentality to run 26.2 miles, forget the physical aspect. So I compromised on the 1/2. So we shall see.

Training has been under way for a few months and I am up to 18 miles a week with my long runs at 8 miles. If youre thinking of doing your own and don't know where to start, I highly highly reccommend Runner's World. You can even go to their SmartCoach and it will map out a traning program for you. If anything its a great way to get your ass in shape. Trust me!! You'll think about that 3rd 4th and 5th cocktail on Saturday night when you have a 90min run ahead of you the next day.

In other new beginning news, thanks to a jerky assmonkey theif, I had to get ALL new credit cards, IDs, checking account, you name it. As much of a pain in the ass it was, it was kinda nice to start from scratch. AND I got to sneak out of work early a couple days to "take care of stuff." Thats always nice. But, MR/MRS Thief whoever you are, you suck. And I want my wallet back, I liked that wallet.

Well, the laundry is done so I'd better go put on fresh sheets and head to bed. Run run run in the morning. Perhaps the weather Gods will grant me with some mild weather.

Until then!!! Think Spring (or better yet, Summer!!)

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Deja Vu

Do you ever want to just stay in bed, curled up under the covers, snuggling up with someone and let the day slip away? Right now, I think that is what I'd very much like to do.

I have this overwhelming sense of doom hanging over my head at the moment, cant really say why I guess & my stomach is all fluttery. I think the only thing that will fix this is to be in bed as the little spoon.

Or shoe shopping,wine & pasta - sometimes that helps too.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

An REO Speedwagon song comes to mind

So its 2009 folks and so far I have friends that are engaged, pregnant, engaged and pregnant, just had babies, etc. Are we really that old already? I feel like we just graduated college yesterday and now we're all in our mid to late 20's. Crap! Not that I have a fear of getting older.. I don't. In fact I rather look forward to turning 30 (in five years). Its just that when you are younger, 25 feels so old and mature like we'd all be married by now or something. When in reality I don't feel that much different than I did 5 years ago. Well except that I'm a little wiser, a little thinner and a little better with my money, but thats not really the issue at hand is it.

I just feel this immense pressure to take the next big step and its making me go bananas! Not that I need to get married now, but that I should be thinking about it as my end game. For example, the guy I'm dating, he's sweet, fun, funny, handsome, brings me flowers and cooks me dinner. That and he calls when he says he is going to & is never late. What more could a girl ask for right? So he's basically perfect, but is he perfect for me? I don't know and I feel like I'm expected to know and if this answer is no than I should break up with him because at this age I don't have the time to waste dating people I'm not going to marry. Wait what?? No one has out right said this to me in so many words but these are the thoughts swimming around in my head while those are around me are buying big white dresses, moving out of the city and showing off their adorable baby bumps (which I love by the way).

STOP! I'm not ready. But at the same time I don't want to be left behind. I just want to live in the moment, go with the flow and see where it takes me. I just don't want to wake up one day and feel trapped but I also don't want to miss out on falling in love because I'm afraid of the former.

Really, I'm just having a bad day and I needed to vent. Tomorrow.. who knows.