Last week I turned 25 years old... or should I say 25 years young? I can remember a time when I was much much younger, lets say 7 or 8, that I couldn't even fathom what it would be like to turn 16, go to high school & college! And now, here I am, a quarter of a century old and I have no idea where any of it went. Time is a funny funny thing. In the last decade I've gone from Freshman in Highschool, Freshmen in College, Legal Drinking age, college Graduate, SEVERAL apartments. What will the next decade bring (besides my 30s?). So now what?
Getting older doesn't really scare me anymore.. well not the aging part anyway. What scares me is that I'm going to be too afraid to do what I really want in life. Not that I hate my profession, but it just doesnt satisfy me. I feel like I'm meant to do more and I'm afraid I'll settle. There just has to be more to my life then getting up, going to work, working out, wash rinse repeat. That cant be it for me. Anything worth doing in life is never easy.. or so they say. I've been thinking about that a lot lately and have some thoughts.. but thats enough to fill a whole other entry.
Presently, I am in the process of moving in to my very first one bedroom apartment. My first time with out a roommate. No one to answer to (or pick up after) but myself. I promised myself a long long time ago that I would live alone at least once before I moved in with a boyfriend/fiance whatever. My boyfriend thought I was kinda being silly mostly for practical reasons, such as why the hell would I want to pay rent when I could live with him virtually rent free?? Tempting, yes, but it is just something I had to do.
Well, mute point now because the jerkface dumped me 2 days after my birthday!!! Just a few days before the 1/2 marathon we'd been training for ($65 down the drain for this girl) and just over a week before he was set to be my muscle to help me move to my new place. So I had to rent a Uhaul and try and find some strong guys besides my brother to help me move the heavy stuff. Lucky for me I have really awesome friends that always step up when it counts.
People keep telling me that he couldnt have meant that much to me because I'm not wreck like I was with Greg. Well thats a lame comparison. Besides, I've learned that moping around, crying, and drinking excessively do absolutely nothing to help. Yes, I miss Jeremy terribly and I still am so beyond confused, but what can I do? Nothing. I hope he pulls his head out of his ass and realizes how stupid he's being, but maybe he never will or maybe he really just had a change of heart. Either way it is out of my hands.
I've been so busy and stressed that I havent even had a chance to really grieve the death of my relationship. The relationship that I thought was THE relationship. One day he was talking about letting me pick out decor for his remodeled basement since Id be living there too, eventually, and telling me that he loves me and then BAM!!! This doesn't feel right anymore? I believe the words that came out of my mouth were literally, "what the hell kind of crack did you smoke when you woke up this morning?" I could not believe what was happening. I'm sure somewhere between hanging my new curtains and organizing my kitchen it will hit me and I'll curl up in the corner, with a glass of wine, and cry. Until that happens... I will just have to keep pushing on.
Look forward to pictures of my new place soon! Oh and pray (dont care who you pray to) that my couch fits up the stairs and in the door.
Ciao!
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
..::ONCE::..
Easter came and went. My brother made a yummy vegetable risotto, I made roasted leeks with bacon cooked over the top to hold in all the fab flavors, and my mom made strawberry shortcake and some beef. She insisted we need a protein. Anyway. In an effort to please my Mom, I also went to church Sunday morning. My boyfriend asked me if I started on fire or if my eyes were burning. HA. Very Funny. But no. Its not that I have a problem with religion - to each their own. I just hate sitting there for an hour while we all sing the same boring songs (out of tune to boot) and feeling uncomfortable.
But I digrees...
Last night after they left my apartment, and I had all the dishes done, I poured myself one last glass of vino and watched the movie, "Once". Its a story about an Irish street performer and a Czech pianist. They decide to get together and record an album before he goes off to London to try and get famous. The music is absolutely gorgeous. My favorite is, "If You Want Me." I highly recommend the movie and the soundtrack. If you go on to itunes its either, Once (music from the motion picture) or there is an album that Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova put out called "The Swell Season."
But I digrees...
Last night after they left my apartment, and I had all the dishes done, I poured myself one last glass of vino and watched the movie, "Once". Its a story about an Irish street performer and a Czech pianist. They decide to get together and record an album before he goes off to London to try and get famous. The music is absolutely gorgeous. My favorite is, "If You Want Me." I highly recommend the movie and the soundtrack. If you go on to itunes its either, Once (music from the motion picture) or there is an album that Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova put out called "The Swell Season."
Monday, April 6, 2009
I Think We're Alone Now....
....There Doesn't Seem to be Anyone Around!
Starting June 1st, I will be the sole occupant of a 1 Bedroom apartment! My very first, very own place! While I absolutely love my apartment now, 7th floor, lake view, lots of sun, balcony (ok now im sad), it's time that I have a place of my own. I've been on the receiving end of "roommate breakup" a few times, but it was a lot harder than I thought. How do I tell someone that I am moving out with out hurting their feelings, or will they even care? Well, turns out she kinda saw it coming and we opened a bottle of Beujolais and went on with our evening.
My roommate is a night owl and while I like to go out and have a good time, I find myself craving sleep more. I could be unrealistic and whine that it is all her fault, that she's inconsiderate, but in truth, we are just two different. I can't expect her to go to bed and not watch TV til 2am because its the only time she has, but she can't expect me to continue to live in a place where I can't get a decent nights' sleep.
Another, slightly further from the point, reason is the possibility of living with a guy in the near future. I have always said that no matter what if I am ever going to move in with a boyfriend, fiance, whatever, that I MUST live alone first. My Dad and I were discussing this over the phone the other day and he was very excited about my new place and agreed that living completely on your own is necessary for some people and is kinda of a self discovery sort of venture.
Back to the new place - while it is not nearly as light and beautiful as the place I live now I am quite excited about one thing, ok two things... a kitchen that will allow me to cook with out running out of places to put things. A medium size kitchen table will fit too! AND, what this place lacks in sq. footage and sun light it makes up for in closet space. This place has 4 or 5 closets (at least) and two of them are walk in. I'm starting to think I may need to go buy more clothes. Unfortunately, now that I am on my own I have to watch the budget. :(
As soon as I get the keys I will take some before photos and some after ones once I've decorated it. Pray to the moving GODS that my wonderful green couch fits in the door. Id be really sad if it didn't. I've already told my boyfriend that if it does not that he must keep it in his basement for me until I have a place big enough or I move in. Which brings me slightly off topic... I've never had a guy so willing to commit. Its almost unreal. He really wants me to move in to his house with him, but I respectfully declined and explained that as tempting as that would be, this is something that I need to do for me. I'd regret it if I never lived on my own. Besides, its only a year and we still have a lot of relationship to build before we share a roof.
Til next time!
Starting June 1st, I will be the sole occupant of a 1 Bedroom apartment! My very first, very own place! While I absolutely love my apartment now, 7th floor, lake view, lots of sun, balcony (ok now im sad), it's time that I have a place of my own. I've been on the receiving end of "roommate breakup" a few times, but it was a lot harder than I thought. How do I tell someone that I am moving out with out hurting their feelings, or will they even care? Well, turns out she kinda saw it coming and we opened a bottle of Beujolais and went on with our evening.
My roommate is a night owl and while I like to go out and have a good time, I find myself craving sleep more. I could be unrealistic and whine that it is all her fault, that she's inconsiderate, but in truth, we are just two different. I can't expect her to go to bed and not watch TV til 2am because its the only time she has, but she can't expect me to continue to live in a place where I can't get a decent nights' sleep.
Another, slightly further from the point, reason is the possibility of living with a guy in the near future. I have always said that no matter what if I am ever going to move in with a boyfriend, fiance, whatever, that I MUST live alone first. My Dad and I were discussing this over the phone the other day and he was very excited about my new place and agreed that living completely on your own is necessary for some people and is kinda of a self discovery sort of venture.
Back to the new place - while it is not nearly as light and beautiful as the place I live now I am quite excited about one thing, ok two things... a kitchen that will allow me to cook with out running out of places to put things. A medium size kitchen table will fit too! AND, what this place lacks in sq. footage and sun light it makes up for in closet space. This place has 4 or 5 closets (at least) and two of them are walk in. I'm starting to think I may need to go buy more clothes. Unfortunately, now that I am on my own I have to watch the budget. :(
As soon as I get the keys I will take some before photos and some after ones once I've decorated it. Pray to the moving GODS that my wonderful green couch fits in the door. Id be really sad if it didn't. I've already told my boyfriend that if it does not that he must keep it in his basement for me until I have a place big enough or I move in. Which brings me slightly off topic... I've never had a guy so willing to commit. Its almost unreal. He really wants me to move in to his house with him, but I respectfully declined and explained that as tempting as that would be, this is something that I need to do for me. I'd regret it if I never lived on my own. Besides, its only a year and we still have a lot of relationship to build before we share a roof.
Til next time!
Monday, March 23, 2009
Out like a Lamb my Ass!
I guess its hardly half way through March, but honestly Spring, where are you??? I am so sick of this weather. Its like the season that couldn't. Well, despite the weather, spring is supposed to be a time for renewal and fresh starts (or is that New Years?) well, anyway... When I think about the person I was this time last year and I think about the person I am now... whoa! We've come a long way baby.
No more pitty parties, no more wallowing, no more blah blah blah. Just me and my life. Its been this way for awhile, but winter had me living my life in the warm cozy comfort of my apartment & now I'm ready to shed the sweats and hit the ground running. Speaking of running....
This May, 1 week after my 25th Birthday, I will be running my first ever 1/2 Marathon in Madison I've always enjoyed running (i use the term enjoy very loosely) but never thought I could run 13.1 miles. My boyfriend is running the full..no thanks... and around January he said hey you want to do it with me? I replied that I simply feel that I haven't the mentality to run 26.2 miles, forget the physical aspect. So I compromised on the 1/2. So we shall see.
Training has been under way for a few months and I am up to 18 miles a week with my long runs at 8 miles. If youre thinking of doing your own and don't know where to start, I highly highly reccommend Runner's World. You can even go to their SmartCoach and it will map out a traning program for you. If anything its a great way to get your ass in shape. Trust me!! You'll think about that 3rd 4th and 5th cocktail on Saturday night when you have a 90min run ahead of you the next day.
In other new beginning news, thanks to a jerky assmonkey theif, I had to get ALL new credit cards, IDs, checking account, you name it. As much of a pain in the ass it was, it was kinda nice to start from scratch. AND I got to sneak out of work early a couple days to "take care of stuff." Thats always nice. But, MR/MRS Thief whoever you are, you suck. And I want my wallet back, I liked that wallet.
Well, the laundry is done so I'd better go put on fresh sheets and head to bed. Run run run in the morning. Perhaps the weather Gods will grant me with some mild weather.
Until then!!! Think Spring (or better yet, Summer!!)
No more pitty parties, no more wallowing, no more blah blah blah. Just me and my life. Its been this way for awhile, but winter had me living my life in the warm cozy comfort of my apartment & now I'm ready to shed the sweats and hit the ground running. Speaking of running....
This May, 1 week after my 25th Birthday, I will be running my first ever 1/2 Marathon in Madison I've always enjoyed running (i use the term enjoy very loosely) but never thought I could run 13.1 miles. My boyfriend is running the full..no thanks... and around January he said hey you want to do it with me? I replied that I simply feel that I haven't the mentality to run 26.2 miles, forget the physical aspect. So I compromised on the 1/2. So we shall see.
Training has been under way for a few months and I am up to 18 miles a week with my long runs at 8 miles. If youre thinking of doing your own and don't know where to start, I highly highly reccommend Runner's World. You can even go to their SmartCoach and it will map out a traning program for you. If anything its a great way to get your ass in shape. Trust me!! You'll think about that 3rd 4th and 5th cocktail on Saturday night when you have a 90min run ahead of you the next day.
In other new beginning news, thanks to a jerky assmonkey theif, I had to get ALL new credit cards, IDs, checking account, you name it. As much of a pain in the ass it was, it was kinda nice to start from scratch. AND I got to sneak out of work early a couple days to "take care of stuff." Thats always nice. But, MR/MRS Thief whoever you are, you suck. And I want my wallet back, I liked that wallet.
Well, the laundry is done so I'd better go put on fresh sheets and head to bed. Run run run in the morning. Perhaps the weather Gods will grant me with some mild weather.
Until then!!! Think Spring (or better yet, Summer!!)
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Deja Vu
Do you ever want to just stay in bed, curled up under the covers, snuggling up with someone and let the day slip away? Right now, I think that is what I'd very much like to do.
I have this overwhelming sense of doom hanging over my head at the moment, cant really say why I guess & my stomach is all fluttery. I think the only thing that will fix this is to be in bed as the little spoon.
Or shoe shopping,wine & pasta - sometimes that helps too.
I have this overwhelming sense of doom hanging over my head at the moment, cant really say why I guess & my stomach is all fluttery. I think the only thing that will fix this is to be in bed as the little spoon.
Or shoe shopping,wine & pasta - sometimes that helps too.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
An REO Speedwagon song comes to mind
So its 2009 folks and so far I have friends that are engaged, pregnant, engaged and pregnant, just had babies, etc. Are we really that old already? I feel like we just graduated college yesterday and now we're all in our mid to late 20's. Crap! Not that I have a fear of getting older.. I don't. In fact I rather look forward to turning 30 (in five years). Its just that when you are younger, 25 feels so old and mature like we'd all be married by now or something. When in reality I don't feel that much different than I did 5 years ago. Well except that I'm a little wiser, a little thinner and a little better with my money, but thats not really the issue at hand is it.
I just feel this immense pressure to take the next big step and its making me go bananas! Not that I need to get married now, but that I should be thinking about it as my end game. For example, the guy I'm dating, he's sweet, fun, funny, handsome, brings me flowers and cooks me dinner. That and he calls when he says he is going to & is never late. What more could a girl ask for right? So he's basically perfect, but is he perfect for me? I don't know and I feel like I'm expected to know and if this answer is no than I should break up with him because at this age I don't have the time to waste dating people I'm not going to marry. Wait what?? No one has out right said this to me in so many words but these are the thoughts swimming around in my head while those are around me are buying big white dresses, moving out of the city and showing off their adorable baby bumps (which I love by the way).
STOP! I'm not ready. But at the same time I don't want to be left behind. I just want to live in the moment, go with the flow and see where it takes me. I just don't want to wake up one day and feel trapped but I also don't want to miss out on falling in love because I'm afraid of the former.
Really, I'm just having a bad day and I needed to vent. Tomorrow.. who knows.
I just feel this immense pressure to take the next big step and its making me go bananas! Not that I need to get married now, but that I should be thinking about it as my end game. For example, the guy I'm dating, he's sweet, fun, funny, handsome, brings me flowers and cooks me dinner. That and he calls when he says he is going to & is never late. What more could a girl ask for right? So he's basically perfect, but is he perfect for me? I don't know and I feel like I'm expected to know and if this answer is no than I should break up with him because at this age I don't have the time to waste dating people I'm not going to marry. Wait what?? No one has out right said this to me in so many words but these are the thoughts swimming around in my head while those are around me are buying big white dresses, moving out of the city and showing off their adorable baby bumps (which I love by the way).
STOP! I'm not ready. But at the same time I don't want to be left behind. I just want to live in the moment, go with the flow and see where it takes me. I just don't want to wake up one day and feel trapped but I also don't want to miss out on falling in love because I'm afraid of the former.
Really, I'm just having a bad day and I needed to vent. Tomorrow.. who knows.
Monday, December 29, 2008
2008, um.. excuse me? Where did you go?
Holy crap! In a few days it will be the New Year! 2009. This has been the longest and shortest year of my life - sounds weird, but you know what I mean. This time last year I was weighing the postives and negatives of giving my boyfriend and THIRD chance. Our first "lets start over" date was New Years Day and it was such a great day I thought maybe the rest of the year would be great to. Well, not so much. Apparently if you start in a great place you really have no where to go but down. And down I went. Well, ok I'm being dramatic, it wasnt all bad I just went through a lot this year and in hindsight its all been for the best but at times I wanted to scream and run away.
First, my (ex)boyfriend and I broke up for the LAST time. It was painful, but it was certainly for the best. Love is precious and life is too short to waste it on someone who doesnt feel the same. We'll leave that at that.
Around that same time I found out that my wonderful roommate was leaving me for her boyfriend. Time for the relationship to stand the test of living together. It did by the way... they are engaged to be married and I cant think of girl who deserves it more. :)
But, with every cloud there is a silver lining and a friend of a friend decided she wanted to move downtown and in with me she did. She is my favorite roommate to date and right now I risk losing her to Grad School. Well, its probably time I get a place of my own, but I love my apartment now and I dont want to leave it.
Summer came and went yet I am still finding evidence of all the time I spent at the beach this summer. Sand is like broken glass, just when you think you've got every last grain you find yourself feeling that familiar grit underfoot one day while walking around barefoot.
Towards the end of my summer I decided I needed a break from it all and I hopped a plane to Europe to visit my Aunt. I was there for nearly 3 weeks and it was AMAZING. I didnt want to come home. In fact if I didnt have so many wonderful friends here and a job I dont hate.. I may have stayed. My Aunt and family live in Frieburg, Germany which is a very beautiful town. So charming and full of life and culture. During my stay I joined family and friends for a week long stay in Italy. They had rented a house just outside of Orvieto. Breathtaking. I wandered the streets of Rome, Assisi and some other little places while there. I can't wait to go back when I have more time.
Upon my return from Europe I got unsettling news that my Dad was in the hospital. If you've read my blog at all to date you'll know the story. The good news is that he's doing much better than they expected and he may be eligible for a liver transplant this Spring. It was an extremely rough couple of months but I'm still hoping for the best.
Christmas came and went this year in an unusual fashion for me. Never have I ever spent a Christmas away from home. This year I spent it among old people and palm trees. Well, actually I spent it with my Granparents in Florida and the rest of the family. They live in this beautiful 55+ community in Fort Myers. Albeit a little creepy with the perfectly manicured lawns, golf carts outnumbering residents, and speed limit signs that read 26 and 16 mph.
Regardless, it was beautiful and I had my first chance to see the ocean. Well, techinically it was the Gulf, but still. It was beautiful.
On the way home our plane was delayed 3 hours till 120am, but it wasnt updated until after we'd bid everyone farewell and checked our baggage. So my brother and I spent the next few hours drinking in a bar. Lets just say I remember VERY little of the flight and Saturday morning was a little rough.
New Years Eve is just a few days away and I have no solid plans, no resolution and No IDEA what 2009 will bring. Will I finally let the guy I'm dating further into my life? Will I have to find my very own first apartment? After last year I have no real expectations other than to expect anything and everything.
Cheers!
First, my (ex)boyfriend and I broke up for the LAST time. It was painful, but it was certainly for the best. Love is precious and life is too short to waste it on someone who doesnt feel the same. We'll leave that at that.
Around that same time I found out that my wonderful roommate was leaving me for her boyfriend. Time for the relationship to stand the test of living together. It did by the way... they are engaged to be married and I cant think of girl who deserves it more. :)
But, with every cloud there is a silver lining and a friend of a friend decided she wanted to move downtown and in with me she did. She is my favorite roommate to date and right now I risk losing her to Grad School. Well, its probably time I get a place of my own, but I love my apartment now and I dont want to leave it.
Summer came and went yet I am still finding evidence of all the time I spent at the beach this summer. Sand is like broken glass, just when you think you've got every last grain you find yourself feeling that familiar grit underfoot one day while walking around barefoot.
Towards the end of my summer I decided I needed a break from it all and I hopped a plane to Europe to visit my Aunt. I was there for nearly 3 weeks and it was AMAZING. I didnt want to come home. In fact if I didnt have so many wonderful friends here and a job I dont hate.. I may have stayed. My Aunt and family live in Frieburg, Germany which is a very beautiful town. So charming and full of life and culture. During my stay I joined family and friends for a week long stay in Italy. They had rented a house just outside of Orvieto. Breathtaking. I wandered the streets of Rome, Assisi and some other little places while there. I can't wait to go back when I have more time.
Upon my return from Europe I got unsettling news that my Dad was in the hospital. If you've read my blog at all to date you'll know the story. The good news is that he's doing much better than they expected and he may be eligible for a liver transplant this Spring. It was an extremely rough couple of months but I'm still hoping for the best.
Christmas came and went this year in an unusual fashion for me. Never have I ever spent a Christmas away from home. This year I spent it among old people and palm trees. Well, actually I spent it with my Granparents in Florida and the rest of the family. They live in this beautiful 55+ community in Fort Myers. Albeit a little creepy with the perfectly manicured lawns, golf carts outnumbering residents, and speed limit signs that read 26 and 16 mph.
Regardless, it was beautiful and I had my first chance to see the ocean. Well, techinically it was the Gulf, but still. It was beautiful.
On the way home our plane was delayed 3 hours till 120am, but it wasnt updated until after we'd bid everyone farewell and checked our baggage. So my brother and I spent the next few hours drinking in a bar. Lets just say I remember VERY little of the flight and Saturday morning was a little rough.
New Years Eve is just a few days away and I have no solid plans, no resolution and No IDEA what 2009 will bring. Will I finally let the guy I'm dating further into my life? Will I have to find my very own first apartment? After last year I have no real expectations other than to expect anything and everything.
Cheers!
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